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A place for Writing 12 students to read each other's writing, to critique, to suggest, to improve.
About Me
- Brad
- Former adult teacher who loves island beaches. Happy homebody and family man; once devoted dog owner, now without Tashi, my Tibetan Terrier. I prefer the absurdity of the imagination to the absurdity of imagining nothing.
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Blog Archive
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2006
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November
(12)
- An Exercise to Develop "Voice" in Writing
- Reader Comments for Brad's Story, "The Bike"
- Reader Comments for Larry's Story, "Einstein"
- Reader Comments for James' Story, "The Corner"
- Reader Comments for Catherine's Story, "Dreamers"
- Reader Comments for Hiromi's story, "Her Own Two F...
- Reader Comments for "Cute Sonya"
- Reader Comments for "Once Upon a Time" (NEW DRAFT)
- Put Reader-Based Feedback Here for "Flying from Cu...
- Put Reader-Based Feedback Here for "The Warm Resta...
- Copying Text from Comments
- Zeugma Zeugma Zeugma (Challenge Anyone?)
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November
(12)
9 comments:
Hi, Choi:
I feel it is a happy summer night. Two Korean ladies enjoy the fire work, run into another Korean mother, and exchange their phone number.
“my excitement disappeared with worry about my homeland’s careless environment,” is more memorable for me because I have had the same feeling when I see some beauty.
Two friends enjoy the beautiful view around Fraser River and the fire work with their children. Then, they run into another Korean mother and her daughter. I guess maybe they would be friend later because they changed their phone number.
Sonya is not a normal girl because she has some bad experience. Her mother brings her to Canada and it can’t change anything; as a friend of the mother, “I” can’t help her either.
It is not an ending I expected because it is too sad. I thought it would be a happy ending story because the title is “Cute Sonya”.
1.
I feel relaxed, enjoying the firework with the characters. Also, with the introduction of the girl, I feel that the story starts to roll.
2.
I like “the cute little girl['s eyes] pierced us with anger.” This sentence shows something about the girl that the readers have not known yet. It intrigues the readers’ attention.
3.
It’s been said that two Korean women go to the firework, and there they meet a girl and her mother and exchange the phone numbers. I expect that they would develop friendship, and that the reason for “the angry eyes” would be explained.
4.
One thing is that changing environment doesn’t change the girl’s problem. Another is that we can’t really do nothing to help others.
5.
The ending is reasonable although I feel somewhat frustrated because the protagonist (“I”?) has done nothing other than observing the girl’s conditions.
I’d like to see more of the girl. She is very interesting character. As well as how she looks distracted, I also like to see how she is beautiful and innocent. Maybe more interaction between the girl and “I”? I want her (protagonist) to be more involved.
The introduction is an important part, showing the country’s beautiful scenery, but I think it’s a bit too long compared to other parts. I’d like to see the conflict sooner.
Thanks for your all coments so far
Choi has successfully created a atmosphere that made me want to finish the whole story without any letup because i was curious and wondered what would happen to the little girl at last. However, the ending made me feel a pretty disappointed. It's a quite abrupt.
By the way, i think if the story just called "Sonya" would be better than "Cute Sonya."
Hi,Choi:
1. After I read the title and the first page, I wondered what would happen next. However, I couldn't get any idea until I turned over to the next page.
2. "Mommy, you promised me..." because my little one likes to speak to me that way to make me follow her "wants".
3. The fire work showed at a beatiful vancouver summer night. I expected something wonderful would happen to the contradictory but "cute" little girl.
4. Simply changing the environment did no help to Sonya. (I think she needs a more caring mom.)
5. A conflict unsolved and sad ending.
Good try, Choi! (I didn't start mine yet.)
Hi Choi.
1. I'm feeling like i'm being introduced to a nice setting. It's Canada Day or BC day and two women are getting ready to watch the fireworks.
2. "The cute little girl pierced us with anger eyes."
I realize you may not have meant exactly what you said but I love it anyway. It's creative and fresh.
"It was a sudden inviting,but I like free lunch and chatting with people."
The writers sense of humor came through here for me.
3. So far i'm reading about an established friendship between two Korean ladies who have imigrated to Canada and are leading productive and happy lives.
"Look at that!" "Oh it's wonderful!" "I feel like i'm suspended in the sky."
This establishes for me an exististing, comfortable friendship. It's not something you would say to someone you were not comfortable with.
What I expect to read in the rest of this short story is not what I got. I expected the story to stay light and fun. It drastically changes and becomes deeper and more serious.
4. The most important thing about this piece of writing for me is manyfold-- By that I mean that there are many topics drawing my attention. First, there is the friendship between the first two ladies. There is also concern for the home country's environment. The huge transition from immigration. There are secrets and concern for a childs' welfare.
If I were to compare the ending of this story with saying good-bye to someone I would have to say that it's very sad. I sort of expected for Sonia to get some help and get well. Instead she goes back Korea and the original lady loses a friend.
1.At first I felt excited with fire works then sad with the weight of destiny upon the little girl and her family.
2.I like the expression, "I'm suspended inside the sky." While I read it,I imagine the same mood too.
"Canada is a blessed land..." However, in Canada people are not always blessed like Sonya.
3.I meet by chance an autistic Korean girl at the beautiful fire work night. She and I exchange phone number. As a mom living in a new circumstances, they will invite each
other and share the spirits.
4.There is no land to cure the Sonya's miserable symptoms. Frequently changing the place of residence makes Sonya worse.
5.The ending is foreseen.Going back to Korea is the right choice.
I think the introduction of the story is too long, over one third of the story. The fire work is not much related with Sonya.
However, the message from Sonya is remarkable to us, new immigrants.
Does firework symbolize a hope and the a hopelessness?
Can Canada, "a blessed land", heal really little Sonya? Or, as new immigrants, the parents of Sonya need to be healed first at their country? These two conflicts make this piece of writing infused by layers of ambiguity. Interesting!
A story of life-uneasiness of many immigrants!
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