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A place for Writing 12 students to read each other's writing, to critique, to suggest, to improve.
About Me
- Brad
- Former adult teacher who loves island beaches. Happy homebody and family man; once devoted dog owner, now without Tashi, my Tibetan Terrier. I prefer the absurdity of the imagination to the absurdity of imagining nothing.
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2006
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November
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- An Exercise to Develop "Voice" in Writing
- Reader Comments for Brad's Story, "The Bike"
- Reader Comments for Larry's Story, "Einstein"
- Reader Comments for James' Story, "The Corner"
- Reader Comments for Catherine's Story, "Dreamers"
- Reader Comments for Hiromi's story, "Her Own Two F...
- Reader Comments for "Cute Sonya"
- Reader Comments for "Once Upon a Time" (NEW DRAFT)
- Put Reader-Based Feedback Here for "Flying from Cu...
- Put Reader-Based Feedback Here for "The Warm Resta...
- Copying Text from Comments
- Zeugma Zeugma Zeugma (Challenge Anyone?)
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November
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12 comments:
Showing the main conflict between Swanny and her mother-in-law, Suzanne's story is interesting and meaningful. The narrative structure is very simple and clear-written. However, the ending is too short, the reader feels a bit frustrated...
The sentense of "...with tears falling like a broken pearl necklace." inspires me lots. May pearl sympolize the quality of Swanny? And the name of Swanny offers us the inner strengh and purity of the main character.
1.The story “Flying from Cuckoo Nest” seems it has a long behind story - but Wu doesn’t show its whole idea because of limited space or other reasons. There is some difficulty in understanding of the story, sudden changing of plot, after “next year”- without any explanation of why her husband change his attitude or who is her family member- the story is developed to the other plot, two kids’ behavior which makes a serious discussion between Swanny and her husband. 2. “Swanny talks back loud” is a memorable part of the story because she looks a weak and silence woman at the beginning of the story, but when she talks about her children against her husband she changs her attitude to a strong mother.3.The beginning of the story is about the conflict between Swanny and her mother-in-law, so I expected their relationship get better with her husband’s effort; however their relationship became worse than before at the last part of the story. Dummin, Swanny’s husband, changes Swanny’s property statement to his own name and finally Dummin and his mother beat Swanny down- can’t understand at this point at my sight, how gush! It shows how difficulty situation some women have in the hidden part of the world.
Hi Suzanne, my comment is followed in "Reader-Based Feedback", the handout, we got last week.
1. Reading one half of your story, I felt very angry with Worthwidow and her son, Dummin. Especially, I was really disgusted at his helpless reaction against his mother's yell: "Dummin is struck dumb with horror." When his wife, Swanny, was tortured by his mother, he leaves her alone and keeps himself "busy on drawing," so I felt he is the most hateful character in your story.
2. Although description of "the balcony" is a small piece of the setting, it creates a few memorable events. At the balcony, watching seagulls, Swanny can
eases herself from sorrows; but at the same place, Dummin's real personality reveals, which provokes conflicts between them.
3. The story is about awful family issues, Swanny vs. Dummin and his mother. Feeling distressfully, Swanny begs Dummin to move out, but he rejects her opinion in a selfish way. I expect to see Swanny's reaction towards the conflicts.
4. To me, the most important thing is finding Swanny's positive trait. Since most of her actions are passive and statics, I wonder how she can achieve her goal;
finally, her second attempt make a progress, when Dummin "feel[s] sick". At this point, I find she is a patient woman and can imagine she must've been waiting for a right opportunity to persuade Dummin...maybe?
5. The ending is rather abrupt, I think. I hope to see how happy she is at the airport.
As Hiromi mentioned to you, I can see clealy the obnoxious characters...that's GREAT!
I really enjoyed reading it.
Lastly, I have a question to you, Suzanne:
Why did you write your story in present tense except for some of the dialogs? I'm very curious about it.
Ritchan,
I completely agree with you!
Great comments!
I especially liked about "the balcony." That's a good point!
And also, about the present tense.
Thanks! But you're such a night owl!
The relationship between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law is always delicate. Suzanne well expresses the agony of Swanny and asks us, "Family should live together?" Living apart is a better choice for Swanny to keep her family.I want Suzanne's story to be concise.Here are my comments;
1.I felt gloomy. Worthwidow abuses her power toward considerate Swanny,and Dumman,a double-faced husband, takes his mother's side.
2.I like "The seagulls with their gorgeous figures are flying above the sky." The seagulls comfort the poor spirit of wretched Swanny. Swanny tries to fly from hopeless cage like the seagull.
3.Although Swanny makes effort to keep the peace in her family, she is afflicted with Worthwidow's harsh words. Swanny worries about her children's future.
Swanny will move out with her children,and Worthwidow and Dummin will complain about Swanny's misconduct.
4.Dummin criticizes Swanny and beats violently with Worthwidow. Finally,Swanny realizes any quarrel or argue is useless in her family.
5.The ending piece gives me a sigh of relief like the image of the peaceful seagulls' flying.
Thanks to Choi and Helena and Hiromi and Ritsuko and Rosaria for your feedback.
I'm staying back here and letting you find your way with this process. As "the teacher" my comments might carry more weight than they should.
See you in class.
Hi, Suzanne:
Your story gives me a familiar feeling
1. I am interested at the beginning because it shows us a typical conflict between a daughter-in-law and a mother-in –law.
2. “What a disobedient son I bring up! Oh!” “put her finger at her forehead,” “Educated woman is nothing,” are memorable for me because these kind words are real existence. I have heard my mother’s neighbors said like this way.
3. Worthwidow doesn’t like the daughter-in-law; the conflict between the two women would be stricter since the son works in other city. As a mother-in-law, Worthwidow is too bossy and abnormality; who can live with her for a long time?
4. Worthwidow lies to her son Dunmmin; the daughter-in-law Swanny proves it to her husband. And Worthwidow often steals her money because she is a real gambler. Fortunately, Swanny is an independent women; she has saved some money for herself. I believe she would have a good future without her mother-in-law.
5. I like the ending best because it is my expecting. In the nowadays, if any one would treat a daughter-in-law like Worthwidow, no any daughter-in-law would abide it like Swanny.
I like this story because it would happen in many Chinese families. In Chinese culture, a mother-in-law has the top power in the family.
You guys have given out all of what i wanted to say.
The story ended in this way made me feel a bit confused. There was no any arrangement or deal between Swanny and her husband? I think it would be helpful If Suzanne could give more explanations and details about the causes that made the the conflicts between Swanny and husband getting worse and worse.
Ritsuko, Thank you very much for your question about the present tense in my story. It was a misunderstanding of Brad's instruction. When I was doing self pace in grade 11, I responded to the questions of the novel,Lord of Flies, and Brad told me to use present tense. As a result, I refered it to my story. Thank you again. If you din't mention about it, I would never learn from this mistake.
Something involve in Chinese traditional culture in my story that people will be confused because they are not in the same boat. I think Catherine already got it that the powerful mother-in-law in law really damaged many families, especially those uneducated widows who look their sons as their precious properties.
Being a daughter-in-law, it is hard to survive in that kind of circumstance if you fight against your mother-in-law. Anyway, I corrected the present tense to past tense and add something to show the terrible situation that caused Swanny has to decide to fly
Flying from Cuckoo nest
The hill is located in a hustling city and resides in an area of slums, but it faces a beautiful harbor which includes magnificent mountains standing on both sides, and seagulls with their gorgeous figures are flying above the sky. These make the harbor a wonderful paradise. The ocean smell and breeze gives people the feelings of relaxing and soothing.
Looking out of the window, Ms. Swanny was contemplating and imagining how free and happy life seagulls have enjoyed.
“Um, this is for you; don’t wear your ugly, shameful underwear,” the mother-in-law, Worthwidow, shouted as she threw a piece of underwear which was much longer than the modern short style; its length was about down to half of the thigh.
“If you give me $200,000, I would give up this family for you,” Worthwidow asked for money constantly, but Ms. Swanny just kept quiet.
Worthwidow couldn’t stand her quietness, so she pointed her finger on Swanny’s forehead and said, “you don’t dream to have a good life,” then Worthwidow left for three days.
Worthwidow’s son, Dummin, tried to persuade his mother and said, “Mom, please don’t gamble all night long; it will damage your health. You can use money to travel wherever you want.”
“ You fool dare to offend me like that. Oh! What a disobedient son I bring up! Oh!---how bitter life I have suffered since I got married at age 15! I would have remarried when I was still young but didn’t because of you. Don’t you believe a widow should be respected. Oh!---my God! Where is the justice? Where is your conscience?” She stomped very hard and cried loud then struck on a table constantly that made huge deafening sound. Dummin was struck dumb with horror. Worthwidow turned to Swanny and put her finger at her forehead and shouted, “look! this devil is a bad omen. We never have had peace since she has entered in this family.” Swanny ran out to balcony with tears falling like a broken pearl necklace. Worthwidow followed behind and yelled, “You dare to interfere with my gambling; you will taste your own medicine.” Then she turned to Dummin and ordered, “Lock her up in the room; forbid her to go out.” Then she was in a hurry to go gambling, and Dummin was busy on his drawing.
As usual, Worthwidow gathers many of her gambling friends to have a meal at home.
“No one is as slow and stupid as you are; someone awkward like this should go to hell.” Worthwidow scolded her daughter-in-law loud as she came to the kitchen to bring dishes for her friends.
The gambling group ate like a horse, and they criticized that the food was not salty or not oily enough. Later, they warned each other, “Educated woman is nothing; don’t let your sons marry with educated women.” Some of them tried to show their cleverness and said, “Rich family is very stingy; they won’t allow daughter to inherit their properties. See! Worthwidow’s daughter-in-law even don’t have dowry and dares to complain about her gambling. The world seems like turning upside down if you have daughter-in-law like this.”
One evening, the moon was full, so the harbor was as shiny as day time. The breeze made the night cool and comfortable. Dummin and Swanny enjoyed this peaceful night on their balcony silently. Swanny broke the silence and said, “Should our family live here forever?” Dummin kept quiet, but Swanny continued, “how about our children’s future? Is it their destiny to live in this circumstance? Don’t you think we should move out?”
Dummin with a surprised face towards her and answered, “You marry me not my family. The most important thing is my love. I am the only son of my mother. You, being a daughter-in-law, should take responsibility to look after her. Then I can focus on my art work.”
Swanny felt helpless for their extremely opposite idea, but she still expected that someday she might make him changed.
After one year, Dummin changed his job to work in the other city where he needed to commute 90 km from his hometown, so he came back once a week. One day, he came back at late night on Saturday, then the next early morning he complained to Swanny, “What a cruel mother you are! Why you starve my son to become skinny?”
“I am his bio-mother, please go to school to take a look. Our son is the tallest and strongest one in the class.” Swanny talked back loud, then she went out to the balcony where she liked to view the peaceful seagulls flying.
After discussion to build their own family failed several times, quarrels or arguments almost became regular events between them.
“I have never seen him study hard, you should hang him up and beat him for punishment. Don’t you know ‘ spare the rod, spoil the child’, Are you qualified being a mother?” Dummin complained his son regularly until Swanny couldn’t stand. Then she shouted at him, “ You are the only one who should be hung up and beaten. Beating is unnecessary for good boys, but useless for bad boys.”
“What a shameful evil creatures they are! Boy and girl locked in a room. You can image what is going on. Their grandmother caught them in action. Don’t you appreciate how important role my mother acts in this family? Look at yourself, what kind of role you acted! Are you qualified to be a mother?” He kept making this nasty disturbing comment until Swanny couldn’t endure it because it caused her not to sleep well since then.
During a long weekend, Swanny called her 15-year-old daughter Sherry to come to her room and asked, “Were you and your brother locked in your room approximately one month ago?”
“Yes, what is wrong with it?” Sherry answered it bluntly.
“Why didn’t you open the door immediately when your grandmom knocked on the door?” Swanny continued.
“I was doing my homework and had to finish a couple words, but it didn’t take too long.” Sherry still couldn’t figure out what was her mother’s purpose.
“What was your brother doing in your room?” Swanny asked.
“He just took a nap, but it didn’t bother me. Is anything wrong? Why you ask so much?” she asked impatiently.
“Nothing, I just want to know what you guys were doing in case something happen to you.” Swanny made this excuse.
Then she called her 13-year-old son Andy; she went on the same questions.
“Why didn’t you take a nap in your own room?” Swanny asked
“Grandmom always bother me whenever I do my homework or take a nap. I supposed she wouldn’t suspect me hiding in girl’s room, but I still afraid she might come, so I locked the door. What is wrong with it?” He was also confused by Swanny’s question.
“Were you aware when she knocked on the door?” Swanny asked.
” She woke me up and kicked me out of the room. That’s all.” Andy answered it with an unhappy appearance. Swanny let him go and turned to Dummin then said, “Are you qualified being a father in the family and professor in the university with a blind mind like this.”
Worthwidow has continued to make trouble in the family all the time. She had kept mentioning about her cousin who could make $ 600,000 within two months in Japan, and Swanny’s second daughter was born in The year of the tiger (according to Chinese zodiac) that symbolized an omen in the family, so that the girl should give to the other family. Worthwidow complained to Swanny that girls only consumed the family’s finance then would belong to the other family in the future. Swanny actually kept an eye on their motivation but pretended to ignore it. With an insecure instinct, she caught in action when Dummin was persuading a stranger to adopt their new born youngest daughter in the hospital.
Swanny realized she and her children had to leave this family after all.
As usual, Worthwidow entered in Swanny’s room and snatched money from her purse in the early morning when she was sleeping. If Swanny woke up, Worthwidow just grined and said,” I am going shopping for some grocery for you.” Swanny never said any word but deposited her money in ATM after she collected cash from her aerobic classes everyday. She left some for her mother-in-law to snatch in order to keep a peace.
“Family should live together? Swanny suggested when Dummin complained that 12 years commuting lifestyle made him feel sick.
After they decided to move together, Swanny provided all her savings and expected to have a united family. During her pregnancy, Dummin offered to register papers for Swanny and asked for her registered chop.
When Swanny was happy for the family reunited, Dummin constantly complained the family gave him too much burden, especially children were too noisy to concentrate on his art work. Then he rented an apartment nearby. One day Swanny received the property statement that registered under Dummin’s name. She realized what her marriage would be in the future, and she was disappointed for unable to teach an old dog new tricks. Arguments were only waste her time and energy. Later, she decided to pretend nothing was wrong but was crazing for her prosperous business and the other activities which included English study and dancing.
“Hum! study English for what! Stupid! She even doesn’t know the next century will be Chinese world. Her purpose is to flatter foreigners.” Worthwidow and Dummin were teasing whenever they saw Swanny’s English materials.
“ Beat her! Beat her! Go dancing, shame on you! Oh!--- how shame and evil you are! You should hang up yourself in the darkest forest without carrying any ID. Oh!---what a bad fortune my family suffered!” Worthwidow shouted as loud as possible when Dummin started beating Swanny, and she pulled her hair down to hit the floor. Then they worked together for the beating. It caused Swanny to lie on the bed with a headache and sore body for a couple weeks.
After the serious heartless striking, Swanny felt no grief as great as that of a dead heart. She never had any quarrel or argument in her family since then. She kept working hard to make money day and night, and she remembered to leave some cash to be snatched.
“Children are very excellent; two of them have graduated from the highest national university. They need to study more. We can’t afford so much tuition if they are foreign students abroad.” Swanny suggested that children needed to study abroad and asked for permission.
Swanny applied to immigrate to Canada without including Worthwidow, and she encouraged her husband to keep it secret by the words, “you can’t count chicken before they are hatched.” She also warned him to support her by preventing the university from discovering their plan to leave the country before his retirement. Dummin was really cooperated very well.
Flying----flying out of cuckoo nest” Swanny couldn’t hide her excitement when she arrived at the airport.
The uneducated mother-in-law and the non English speaking husband couldn’t figure out what was happening until Swanny had gone.
Hi Suzanne.
1. My feelings as I read the first few paragraphs? This is the second or third time I have read this story. Each time I see something new. Each time I'm angry at the bossy, bitchy Mother-in-law.
2. "Magnificent Mountains" I just like the way it sounds when you say it. "Oh What a disobedient son I bring up!" "What a bitter life i have suffered since I got married at age 15!" Oh boo,bloody,hoo lady. It's really good writing if it can make you feel something as passionate as anger. I just want to punch this lady out and it's not very far into the story.
3. "Looking out of the window, Ms. Swanny is contemplating and imagining how free and happy a seagull's life must be."
"Looking out the window, Ms. Swanny imagines how free and happy a seagull's life must be."
Already I know Ms. Swanny is unhappy and wishes for something beyond her own circumstance.
"Worthwidow can't stand her quiet, so she points her finger on Swanny's forehead and says, "you don't dream to have good life."
"Worthwidow can't stand Swanny's silence and jabs a finger in her face." "Don't dream of having a better life!"
I expect alot of unhappiness for Swanny. So far she has to wear crappy underwear thats too big. Also, it would really suck to actually have somebody else, anyone else, dictate what sort of undies you wear. We also learn that Mother-in-law has a gambling problem and Swanny's hubby is a jerk. I don't forsee a happy ending.
4. I think that the whole thing is a piece of importance. There is not one thing more relevant than another. I was not brought up in this sort of environment so it's difficult for me to understand cow-towing to anyone, even my mother-in-law. There is great strength in Swanny though. Perhaps it takes more strength to stay silent through great injustice than it would to strike back.
5. The ending was not really abrupt, but then it wasn't gentle either. I could see her leaving but I was suprised she did at the same time. I don't know if that makes any sense Suzanne but I really enjoyed your story.
I really like this story, and it may happen in the Chinese society commonly because three generations lived in the same roof before, but so far the situations are being changed quite a lot. I don't know it is a fiction or real story. If the narrators are either the Worthwidow or Dummin from a different angle to depict their family,it may also be a controversial topic for people to learn in our society should have more love and forgiveness.
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