Tuesday, November 09, 2010
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A place for Writing 12 students to read each other's writing, to critique, to suggest, to improve.
About Me
- Brad
- Former adult teacher who loves island beaches. Happy homebody and family man; once devoted dog owner, now without Tashi, my Tibetan Terrier. I prefer the absurdity of the imagination to the absurdity of imagining nothing.
4 comments:
Among the pale cottonwoods with their limbs like bones and their trunks sloughing off the pale or green or darker bark clustered in the outer bend of the river bed below the house stood trees so massive that in the stand across the river was a sawed stump upon which in winters past herders had pitched a four by six foot canvas supply tent for the wooden floor it gave. (71 words; Cormac McCarthy)
Among the green hemlocks with their tops like curled dog’s tails and their branches dripping off the fine or misty or dreary rain gathered at the end of the driveway near the house stood cedars so browned that in the town near the farm was a stern sign upon which in summers past people had scrawled a message hoping for any mercy God might give. (65 words; man that’s hard to do!)
I stared at the sky, and for the first time in my life, a voice went off in my head: ‘You have no power over what happens in your life.—Anthony Kiedes
He looked at the girl, and for the first time in his life, a thought occurred to him: “She will never love me.”
It had pointed leaves which grew along green switches which radiated from the bough and made a tree which looked like a lot of opened green umbrellas.—Betty Smith
The dog had a lively tail which wagged against the blue wall which marked the wall of the kitchen and made a noise which sounded like rain tapping on umbrellas.
It looked scraggly and freakish, permanently stuck in its twisted, tortured position, and it made me think of how some adults tell you not to make weird faces because your features could freeze. —Jeannette Wall
The man looked tortured and pained, permanently stuck in his failed, frustrating unemployment, and it made me wonder how some people tell you not to worry about the economy because housing prices stay high.
too hard to imitate, only made 3 try.
McCarthy’s description of winter trees:
Among the pale cottonwoods with their limbs like bones and their trunks sloughing off the pale or green or darker bark clustered in the outer bend of the river bed below the house stood trees so massive that in the stand across the river was a sawed stump upon which in winters past herders had pitched a four by six foot canvas supply tent for the wooden floor it gave. (71 words)
My words about doctors:
Among the surgeons in Seattle Grace with their reputations like cardiac core and neurological shark blowing off the medical miracles or cutting edge technologies in twenty first century strived the interns who were at the bottom of medical circle and who often worked so hard in the hospital where there is called their arena where they had to fight their limits to run for the tests in 24hours or to do the nasty job like rectum check which the other doctors used to do before they became a real surgeon.(90 words)
Marco’s example:
I stared at the sky, and for the first time in my life, a voice went off in my head: ‘You have no power over what happens in your life.
My words:
She looked at the sight of his back, and for the first time in her life, a voice punched her head and shouted: You cannot expect someone loving you back the way you were, no matter how much you loved him.
Linda’s example
The one tree in Francie's yard was neither a pine nor a hemlock. It had pointed leaves which grew along green switches which radiated from the bough and made a tree which looked like a lot of opened green umbrellas. Some people called it the Tree of Heaven. No matter where its seed fell, it made a tree which struggled to reach the sky. It grew in boarded-up lots and out of neglected rubbish heaps and it was the only tree that grew out of cement. It grew lushly, but only in the tenement districts.
—from A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith
My words:
The dog that she has is neither Maltese nor Shih Tzu. He has a pointed nose which is from his father—a real Maltese which was the star of Uncle Joy’s Circus and big round eyes which are from his mother—a pure blood Shih Tzu which was raised in animal shelter. People used to call him Snowy because of his snow-white furs and chubby face. No matter where he goes, he makes people surround and watch. His appearance mixes the Maltese’s noble charisma and Shih Tzu’s intractable morale. He could be a gentleman when he wanted to, but he could also be a fighter when he was threatened by other big dogs.
Among the pale cottonwoods with their limbs like bones and their trunks sloughing off the pale or green or darker bark clustered in the outer bend of the river bed below the house stood trees so massive that in the stand across the river was a sawed stump upon which in winters past herders had pitched a four by six foot canvas supply tent for the wooden floor it gave. (original 71 words)
Among the colorful maple trees with their limbs like arms and hands sloughing off the darker brown or yellow leaves standing all by itself beside the old gray barn stood an apple tree so massive that it was nearly as tall as the barn itself and every fall would supply the whole family with enough ripe juicy apples to last until the New Year. (64 words)
I stared at the sky, and for the first time in my life, a voice went off in my head: ‘You have no power over what happens in your life.
You’ve taken your hands off the steering wheel, and you’re going wherever the drug world takes you.
(originals 47 words)
I stared into its eyes, and for the first time in my life, a voice went off in my head: ‘stay calm and everything will be alright.
You’ve taken your eyes off the ball, and now you’re going to lose everything that matters.
(43words)
*
Among the pale cottonwoods with their limbs like bones and their trunks sloughing off the pale or green or darker bark clustered in the outer bend of the river bed below the house stood trees so massive that in the stand across the river was a sawed stump upon which in winters past herders had pitched a four by six foot canvas supply tent for the wooden floor it gave. (71 words; Cormac McCarthy)
Among the luxuriant cherry trees with their blossoms like snowflakes and their petals were blown away by the breeze from the white or yellowish or pink flowers lined on the path of the park up the hill stood a temple so holy that in the middle of the square was a well which every day devout believers had drunk a scoop of water praying for health the god would bless.
**
I stared at the sky, and for the first time in my life, a voice went off in my head: ‘You have no power over what happens in your life.—Anthony Kiedes
She peeped through the door hole, and for the first time in her life, an idea came upon her: "This buster has been cheating on me."
***
It had pointed leaves which grew along green switches which radiated from the bough and made a tree which looked like a lot of opened green umbrellas.—Betty Smith
The collar had small bells on it which was tied around the cat’s neck which rang around the house and made a noise which sounded like the beans rolling in the glass.
****
It looked scraggly and freakish, permanently stuck in its twisted, tortured position, and it made me think of how some adults tell you not to make weird faces because your features could freeze. —Jeannette Wall
She looked bulky and clumsy, permanently stuck in her fleshy, fatty body, and she reminded me how some reports tell you not to eat too much junk food because you would be easily obese.
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