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A place for Writing 12 students to read each other's writing, to critique, to suggest, to improve.
About Me
- Brad
- Former adult teacher who loves island beaches. Happy homebody and family man; once devoted dog owner, now without Tashi, my Tibetan Terrier. I prefer the absurdity of the imagination to the absurdity of imagining nothing.
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2007
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February
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- The Pearson Buzz-Updated Feb. 28
- The Pearson Buzz: Story Assignments
- The Pearson Buzz: About Us
- First Edition Content
- Epanalepsis
- Name the News!
- Sheryl Mcfarlane Confirmed: March 8
- Latest Edits by Brad
- Online Newspaper: More Help With Ideas
- How I Write: Revisions
- The finished essay and the question
- Sheryl Mcfarlane (Children's Writer) Class Visit
- Writing 12 Student Newspaper Template
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February
(13)
23 comments:
Hi, every one,
I hope this version is better and welcome your suggestions!Thanks in advance!
Writing Starts before Writing
It is not easy to be a mother. Writing is like giving birth to a baby; we must do a lot of things for it. Actually, it never starts the pen writing down a paper; it starts before.
Reading is the base stone of writing. J.K.Rowling sets a good example to me; she loves reading. She said, “When I was a child, I would read absolutely anything.” Perhaps that’s why she could write the most popular books in the world—Harry Potter series. As her fan and an ESL student, I realized that even use the simpler English words; I may write the most interesting story! Reading is my first step for writing.
I use enthusiasm and imagination to write. I’d like talking with people who also love writing that always gives me enough enthusiasm before I write. If I had any sister like the Brontës’, I would have been a better writer today. Working out with my iPod, energy fills my body; imagination, my mind. I’ve gotten many ideas in the gym. Gestating enthusiasm and imagination is an important part of writing.
Learning how to work on a computer is also very important. Internet provides me a magic world; I’d like to develop my skills to use it. If I want to know anything about my concern, I can search and get it immediately. Also, I enjoy using Word to write because it is so convenient to check my spelling and grammar and to edit my work. I can’t write without a computer since I knew how to use it.
All of the works start before writing. Sometimes it is really easy and the ideas come naturally out; sometimes it is a bit of a struggle. Anyway, typing words into my computer from my mind is just the last thing I’d like to do.
304words
Catherine!
Introduction is not working;I like your first one better. And "mother" and "baby" example is too overwhelming for me. Yeah, I know what you mean, but...
"Actually" is the word I actually try to avoid in an essay....
And I think Chinese proverb works better in the first paragraph. (But it's a personal opinion.)
The second paragraph now has two ideas, "sister" and "iPod." I like your first one better because it’s simpler and idea is focused.
What do you think? Maybe you are trying too hard? I like your idea of pre-writing activities very much, though.
Let's see what other's going to say....
Oh, and Brad, Catherine's file you sent me was "Motive for Writing," not the one we worked on yesterday.
Please send me the right one when you have a time? Thanks.
Hi, Hiromi,
Thanks for your valuable suggestion! I’ll rewrite it as soon as possible.
I haven’t got the edited version of “Writing Starts before Writing” either.
Hi, Hiromi,
I wish this introduction is better.
Lu You, a well-known Chinese poet had urged his son: “If you want to study poetry, beyond the poetry.” It sounds like a paradox, but it is true. Writing really never starts the pen writing down a paper; it starts before.
Sorry Catherine. My mistake on your file. Unfortunately, it is on the school server so Wednesday is soonest I can pass it on.
Hi, Brad,
Don’t worry about that! Relax and enjoy your weekend!
One more version; thanks for your patience, every one!
Writing Starts before Writing
Lu You, a well-known Chinese poet had urged his son: “If you want to study poetry, beyond the poetry.” It sounds like a paradox, but it is true. Writing really never starts the pen writing down a paper; it starts before.
Reading is the base stone of writing. J.K.Rowling, author of the Harry Potter books, sets a good example to me; she loves reading since she was a child. Perhaps that’s why she can write the most popular books in the world. When I read my first one, I was impressed with the simple words and the vivid description. She gives me hope that I can be a writer and I can do the same some day. Reading is my first step for writing.
I’ve quite enjoyed creating stories and characters in my mind. I’d like talking, discussing, even arguing with people who also love writing. It is very exciting process because it offers me enough enlightenment, enthusiasm, and imagination before I write. If I had any family like the Brontë Sisters, I would have been a better writer today. Gestating my ideas is an important part of my writing.
Doing research is also very important. Internet provides me a magic way to find any information I wanted. For example, if I’d like to review how to write a good introduction and conclusion, I can find it quickly on our school Pearson Adult Learning Centre’s Website— http://palc.sd40.bc.ca/palc/. There are many teachers’ notes like “Tips for Writers by Brad Hyde”. Enough researching makes my writing easier and better.
All of the works start before writing. Sometimes it is really easy and the ideas come naturally out; sometimes it is a bit of a struggle. Anyway, typing words into my computer from my mind is just the last thing I’d like to do.
301 words
Hi, Catherine
Your effort at revising is very admireble.
While I was reading the introduction of the latest one,
I thought the word, "beyond" gives an opposite meaning to the thesis.
However, the dictionary says:
"Core Meaning:...something is on the other side of something else..."
So, that's OK, I guess.
Including the introduction paragraph, I found you use "If..." three times.
I feel you can change one to a different phrase.
Good night
Hi Catherine,
Your hard work encourages me to do better on mine!
I like the introduction. That’s more like it. My suggestion is: Lu You, a Chinese poet once said, “If you want to study poetry, beyond the poetry.” Then again, mine is always short. It’s just personal preference.
The first paragraph is better and works well. Taking out a quote is a good solution.
Still, though, I feel you are taking too much time praising Rowling. It’s like: she says this, and I strongly agree! I’d rather hear your own experience, like: she says this, and also this happens to me, so therefore reading matters. Maybe?
Second paragraph is also better. But the first sentence should be present tense, don’t you think? And “quite” and “enough” (in later sentence) make the sentences weak. I miss your workout with iPod, but what a hey.
I don’t like the sentence, “If I had any family like the Brontë Sisters, I would have been a better writer today”, though. It sounds a bit whiny and I know you are a tough chick. But again, it’s just a personal preference, huh?
Third paragraph is very clear and good! (but maybe making Brad too happy? haha)
“Anyway” is too colloquial? Maybe? Second sentence in conclusion can be more concise, I think.
Your revision is impressive. And I try on mine, too. See you!
Ritsuko and Hiromi:
You both commented on Catherine's essay so responsibly that I'm deeply impressed with Japanese's conscientiousness in performing all aspects of a work. I think that Catherine will be impressed with it also. Meanwhile, Catherine rewrite her essay time after time, again and again, she was telling and proving with her behaviour "how i write," it impressed me too;on the other hand, i beg her don't write same thing again. I think Hiromi, Ritsuko and all of us need a break. Please!
Hi, Ritsuko:
Thanks for your suggestion!
I like the quotation: “Beyond the poetry”.
It is a very famous Chinese apothegm that means learning poetry is not only learning how to write poetry, you have to learn more including literature, arts, even music.
I think it is same to writing. If you want to write better, you have to read more, think more, and research more. “Writing really never starts the pen writing down a paper; it starts before.”
Is “Beyond the poetry” a really good quotation? I think so.
Is it a good translation? I’m not so sure because you can’t follow.
Hiromi:
I really appreciate your suggestions that always encourage me to write better.
You are right, I’m taking too much time praising her; I should talk more why reading her books help me, right? I’ll rewrite this part later.
Thanks again! I’m so happy to get your help!
How I write.
How I write greatly depends on three things; general mood, what I’ve been reading, and the lack of another presence in the house. These things determine the “how” as I will explain in the following paragraphs.
My mood is at turns a gift and a curse while writing. At one moment of epiphany I ramble on and on scribbling what I feel is a masterpiece, only to find out later, and maybe only a second later that it’s drivel. Like so much incomprehensible gobelty-goop. Mish mashed, mushed and non-sensical. I would like to believe that a wonderful mood would make for a better read and sometimes I’m successful in that vein.
I’m an avid reader. The style of the current author of whatever I happen to be reading often bleeds into my writing. I love the many ways of speech. Some writers with their witticism just inspire the muse in me. I become excited when reading an excerpt from Dean Koontz’ book Forever Odd. “This world, which has the potential to be Eden, is instead the hell before hell. In our ignorance we have made it so.” That’s great prose to me and I try to imitate in my own writing.
I can’t seem to write a word when in the company of others. Alone the spirit moves me to the computer or my journal. I’m too easily distracted I suppose. The quiet opens my mind and frees my pen.
These are the mechanics of my writing. Needed is a grounded mood, a good book and the absence of others. These three things enable the physical anomaly of writing for me. Without them I would never write another bloody thing.
283 words.
Simile: “Like so much incomprehensible gobelty-goop.”
Metaphor: “My mood is at turns a gift and a curse.”
Hi, Catherine and Larry.
Let me explain again, Catherine.
Of course, I like the quotation, too. The reason I couldn’t “follow” was my preposition problem—ah, it really annoys me.
Reading the introduction for the first time, I thought, “beyond” means “…on/to the further side of something” or “ later than a particular time.” That’s all knowledge I’d had before.
So, I just wondered (not now!) how that quotation could match the thesis since you’d written, “ it stars before.”
By the way, I like your description in the latest comment; it clears the meaning of quotation and your opinion.
See you.
Hi All.
I've posted my latest revision. I'm certain I've gotten the quotations wrong with regard to the book comment. Wondering if any of you can show me the proper way of going about it?
Hiromi.
As usual I really enjoyed your essay as well as many others. Take it easy and I'll see you all on Thursday.
Hi,Stacey:
I just googled for you and it seems you quoted correctly. There is an another version:"This world which has the potential to be Eden is instead the hell before Hell. In our arrogance we have made it so." It seems they are pretty alike, don't know which one is the original.
"The quiet opens my mind and frees my pen." What a witticism!
Ahh, I thought I had enough drill for essay writing, but it's still tough...
From Start to Finish
I admit I slack without a due date. Determination has to come first, and gradually I commit myself to writing. There is no fancy way; I build words one by one, with countless correction and patience.
First, I develop an urge to write. While cutting vegetables, I think about a topic and find a kernel that interests me. When a stew is simmering, I phrase it out and see if it motivates me to continue. I contemplate ideas some more and let the kernel grow, expand, and reach to the point of bursting. It doesn’t happen all the time, but if I succeeded, later process—actual writing—becomes much easier.
The first draft is a struggle, but I concentrate on writing it through. It is like giving wind a shape, and usually my attempt falls short. Yet I keep putting down the words with the help from a dictionary and a thesaurus. Other than spelling, I’d check grammar and look for better wording. It’s a base plan of my writing, and I’ll get a chance to fix it later.
I’m relaxed and ready to make an improvement on revision. I don’t mind slaughtering a draft if necessary. This time I pay extra attention and organize a paragraph. I avoid repetition and careless colloquialism, and replace ambiguous phrases to precise. But still, there are flaws I cannot see, so I ask advice. This is the place I strive in order to transform my piece for the better.
After a long process, a crisp copy of finished work is gratifying, and I’m proud of my efforts. But it doesn’t last too long. Soon I’m ready to move on, to see if I can do it better next time.
3rd draft; 286 words
Simile: “It is like giving wind a shape”
Zeugma: “let the kernel grow, expand, and reach to the point of bursting”
Yesterday in class Brad said my essays weren't in standard essay structure.
I'll rewrite them and see what I can do.
Hope to see your comments in a bit
But could someone give me a better idead of what standard is? Brad?
James,
A standard essay is typically five paragraphs. An introduction is written in a "reverse" order with the main idea coming in the last sentence, called a thesis. The body paragraphs have a topic sentence, details, concluding sentence structure. The conclusion restates the thesis in a paraphrase and then exits gracefully.
To see samples, go to palc.net and use our site search with the term "essays." You'll find lots of samples.
I’ll add some:
So, a 300-words-essay is about:
Introduction (30 words)
3 body paragraphs (80 words each)
Conclusion (30 words)
The last sentence of the introduction is thesis statement; that’s what the essay is about. This should be the BEST SENTENCE in the essay. So sweat and make it clear and attractive.
The first sentence of the conclusion is re-statement of the thesis, just different wording.
A body paragraph starts with a topic sentence, which states a clear idea of the paragraph, followed by details, and concluding sentence, which is re-statement of the topic sentence.
Standard essay writing is kind of like solving a puzzle—Scrabble maybe. You have a lot of ideas (seven letters in your hand) but have to pick what it counts (H, T, S, I) and to put them in order (THIS). I learned that it is a good exercise to clarify my mind.
Sooooo, I look forward to seeing your revision!
Hi James,
The description of your essay is enjoyable. Thanks!
So, please revise, complete and post it.
I hope this site helps you understand about the standard essay with details.
http://www.apurnell.com/
cs1readings/ElementsAndStructure.htm
I'm going to read it tomorrow.
How I write.
How I write depends on my general mood, current reading, and finding enough solitude. These things allow the physical anomaly of my writing.
My mood is at turns a gift and a curse while writing. During an epiphany I ramble on, scribbling what I feel is a masterpiece, only to find out later, it’s drivel. Like so much incomprehensible gobeldty-goop. Mish mashed, mushed and non-sensical. I like to believe that a wonderful mood makes for a better read and sometimes I’m successful.
The style of the current author I’m reading often bleeds into my writing. I love the many ways of speech. I’m an avid reader. Some writers just inspire my muse. Dean Koontz wrote; “This world, which has the potential to be Eden, is instead the hell before hell. In our ignorance we have made it so.” There is shiny brilliance in prose such as this. I aspire to inspire as this author does so eloquently. I hope one day to spit out something close to this genius in a book of my own.
I can’t seem to write a word when in the company of others. Alone the spirit moves me to the computer or my journal. I’m too easily distracted I suppose. The quiet opens my mind and frees my pen. In my solitude the words pour forth for the better or the worst and the assignment or personal inventory is accomplished.
These are the mechanics of my writing. I would have liked to tell lies and make myself out to be radically eccentric, tell you I need this many percodan or that much opium, that I need to be looking at the Arctic glaciers from the bow of some ancient steam ship to accomplish the feat of writing. All I really need is a grounded mood, a good book and some time alone.
310 words.
Simile: “Like so much incomprehensible gobeldty-goop.”
Metaphor; “My mood is at turns a gift and a curse.”
Hi Brad.
I've posted what I think is my final revision. I'm not so certain though about the last paragraph. Did I make a run-on sentence? Did it make sense?
As for the most recent assignment; I took a stab at it. Hope I did ok.
Hope everyone is well and I'll see you all on Thursday.
Stacey,
No, no run-on there. Positions of thesis and restated thesis are the reverse of standard, however.
I'd like to see you take the "this's" out of the following: "There is shiny brilliance in prose such as this. I aspire to inspire as this author does so eloquently. I hope one day to spit out something close to this genius in a book of my own."
Also, try to edit out the "There is."
I also find that "aspire" "inspire" sound alike in a way that doesn't read well.
Remember that true final revisions may take place before you hand in the portfolio. After a few months rest, see what you think of the writing and then revise again!
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