Post your finished essays here. I've gotten mine to third draft stage. Find the second draft in the comments section. Read an annotated version of Brad's second draft revision that includes a clean copy of the third draft at the end.
NOTE: Be sure to include your "Greek Techniques" at the end of your draft. Also, make an effort to have a spell, grammar checked, word-processed copy of your essay ready for Thursday's class. We will be doing extensive work on the essays. The more essays, the better!
For more information on the standard essay, see Jennifer's three-part series on the essay.
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A place for Writing 12 students to read each other's writing, to critique, to suggest, to improve.
About Me
- Brad
- Former adult teacher who loves island beaches. Happy homebody and family man; once devoted dog owner, now without Tashi, my Tibetan Terrier. I prefer the absurdity of the imagination to the absurdity of imagining nothing.
17 comments:
Why I Write
Writing is like the “green fuse” in Dylan Thomas’s poem, a force that “drives the flower.” Sitting down and composing good prose is as quintessential to me as it is for Norman Mailer.
I thank my teachers, first of all. I write because of Mr. Snidal in seventh grade, for his “Hey! What you wrote was really good,” in the hallway. My science teacher, imagine that! And Sam Roddan, who scrawled “evocative, lovely” below a memoir. The librarians who kept their libraries filled with books for me to while away the hours, I thank them all. True, not one of them was perfect, but without my first teachers, writing may never have become my passion.
I write because I love reading. By reading I mean anything and everything; the internet was invented for a guy like me—no end of new prose on the web. Pretty often I’ll know more about what’s interesting to New Yorkers than to Vancouverites! Reading is portable, too, and many a night I’ve read a novel by flashlight in a tent pitched on some high mountain pass. I’ve spent thousands of hours reading in my life, in a rail carriage crossing into Spain, on a ferry sailing south to Crete, on a plane over the Baja. A love of reading fuels my writing every day.
But mostly I write because writing matters. It matters to my students who know that, by writing well, doors open to them. Through reading the masters, the Orwells, Mansfields and Hemingways of the world, I’ve learned that writing has a transformative power and, maybe, I’d like just a small piece of that power for myself: my writing, my “green fuse.” Just once to write a line as powerful as “The force that through the green fuse drives the flower,” just the chance I might one day, helps make writing matter to me.
Writing is an ideal way to honour the legacy of my teachers, to pay back my debt to the writers I love to read and to, no less than that, make some kind of small difference to the world through those who choose to read my words.
—359 words; second draft
Greek Techniques:
“Writing is like the ‘green fuse’ in Dylan Thomas’s poem, a force that ‘drives the flower.’”—simile
“True, not one of them was perfect, but without my first teachers, writing may never have become my passion.”—antanagoge
“By reading I mean anything and everything; the internet was invented for a guy like me—no end of new prose on the web.”—amplification
I began writing to escape my life. I became a voracious reader for the same reason. I could sneak into someone else’s day for a time. I could always write what I could not say. Writing released pent-up emotions and freed my mind and heart to be captured in the joy of putting pen to paper. I have felt talentless and flawed and writing has become something I can do well. Like Brad there are teachers in my past that also fueled my desire to write. Rosalyn was my grade 10 English teacher and through her patience and constant encouragement writing became a delicious obsession.
I find happiness in the knowledge my words have brought strong feeling, good or bad from a reader. I write for the sheer freedom of expression. I can write what I want and you can take it or leave it. I love to make you laugh, cry, yell or scream and writing allows me the opportunity to do that. One day I will write a novel. Me! Perhaps I’ll be a famous writer. I hope to be published some day. I hope to be published right now! I desire for writing to be my sole source of employment. Sometimes I get lost writing—“Words pour from my fingers as water from a crystal fall.”
I just love to write and the reasons are varied as the seasons of the world; it’s natural to me. It’s quiet. It’s something I could do anywhere. It allows my imagination to soar. It awakens my mind from its stupor. If I couldn’t write I think I would wither up and float away into the nothingness of night’s oblivion. And, as Albert Einstein said, “Imagination is more important than knowledge.” I could sit at a table trying quantum physics for a thousand years and have learned nothing. I pick up a book about anything else and learn innumerable lessons.
In summation, I write because of some unseen spirit that dwells within me. Call it a muse. A terrible sadness or an abounding joy wells up and I’m driven to put pen to paper and get it off my chest. It eases my soul and entertains my sleepless mind. I simply love to write.
Hi Stacey,
Passionately put, but not in a standard essay form. Take a close look at my sample to see an example of form: short intro with a sentence at its end that gives an overall direction (thesis); three body paragraphs that each have a single topic idea developed with examples (and concluded) and then a restated thesis with a concluding statement that follows.
Also, when doing a revision, identify your use of Greek Techniques for us to see (recopy at the end of the essay so we can see them separately).
You've got lots to work with here!
Stacy,
Thank you for sharing your passion with us. I feel ya. I think that organization of the paragraphs would make the piece more powerful.
Thanks for the annotated revision, Brad. Explanations of the changes are clear and very helpful for us. Yes, I’ve learned something.
I haven’t started mine yet—putting it off to the last minutes as usual—but I’ll write today. I’ve got a lot to say, but finding words is not easy. Hopefully I’d be able to bring it tomorrow.
Why I Write
Writing has always been very important to me because I used to use it in communication, social life, and, last but not least, my professional activities.
As I remember, the first samples of my creative writing were the letters to my grandparents which I obediently wrote at my parents’ request. Later, I wrote many letters to my relatives and friends, enjoying myself and entertaining my correspondents. In the era of electronic communication when e-mail writing became a common way of communications, a letter in handwriting is like a long distance warm hug. I remain the only one dinosaur in my family who still posses this skill.
During my high school and university years writing was a considerable part of my social life. I wrote for fun a lot: scenarios for the student’s plays and special events, sarcastic poems and epigrams on friends and Profs, and articles for the student news paper. I enjoyed all this collective fun activities and was often encouraged by my friends who still have been keeping the samples of my writing.
Being rather a hobby in my youth, writing became a very important skill in my professional carrier, in which I needed to write technical documentation, scientific reports and articles. When I was forced to change Electronics Engineering to Patent Engineering, I understood the importance of good writing even more; every word in patent description is important because it protects author’s rights and costs money.
Although writing for different purposes needs different skills and vocabulary, it is always a result of hard work. As saying goes, “Who think clear, speak and write clear.” Good writing is a good tool that helps people to communicate effectively, to express themselves clearly and to create different kinds of intellectual products valuable for other people.
The follows Greek technique devices were used:
1. A letter in handwriting is like a long distance warm hug (simile)
2. Dinosaur (simile)
321 words
Hiromi,
Not to worry; you'll get it done!
Natalia,
So glad to see your writing here at the blog! Your experience with the newspaper should be helpful to the class in semester 2 as well.
I have been asked to write about why I write. The reasons are manifold but I will give you three, in proper essay form; it’s a means of escape from life. It is something I can do well. It is my passion. Oh why not squeeze in a fourth reason? I love to read as much as I love to write.
I began writing to escape my life. Everyone has a sad story and I’m sure mine is no sadder than anyone else’s. I became a voracious reader for the same reason. When life got too tough I could pick up a book and enter someone else’s day for a time. It was also always easier to write what I could not say. I have kept a journal of sorts since I was a very young girl and many-a-day I would pour my heart and soul into that little book. I would write about things that were real and things I imagined, poems, spells, recipes for magic potions. I would write about anything; by “anything” I mean I would write about the color of a slug, what particular time of day it was. I would re-write an imaginary news cast.
When I entered High School I was given to know that writing was something I could do well. Rosalyn was my grade 10 English teacher and my hero. Through her constant patience and encouragement writing would become a delicious obsession. With her I discovered art and I could write about that. She introduced me to Shakespeare and I fell in love with his words. The more varied the reading material, the more words I could put on a page for myself. My grades for English were high for the first time and teachers and students alike were telling me how much they liked my writing.
Writing is my passion. Through words I can make you laugh, cry, scream. I can make you feel some strong emotion and that really gets me high. If I could not write I would wither up and float away into night’s black oblivion. Writing has saved me from insanity when thoughts in my sleepless mind would not allow a quiet moment. I can get lost writing. Words spill from my fingertips as water from a crystal fall. Some spirit dwelling within me wells up and I am moved to put pen to paper. I love to write because it allows me the freedom to be anyone, anything and everything. I can write what I want and you can take it or leave it.
Without reading I do not believe I would ever have discovered a love of writing. I love to read as much as I love to write. There is so much beauty in the written word. There is so much savagery as well. Anything you could ever want to know can be found in a book. Reading to me has always been like watching a really good movie, only better. You can know everything about a character in a book. You can know what they’re thinking and feeling and it’s better because the picture is what your mind has come up with, not what you’ve been shown on a screen.
I could go on and on about reading and writing. My love of both is infinite. In summation I just love to read and write. I don’t really know what else to say and find myself rambling so I’ll stop now and hope that this version is closer to what an essay is supposed to be. Writer’s huh?
Distinctio: I would write about anything; by “anything” I mean I would write about the color of a slug, what particular time of day it was. I would re-write an imaginary news cast.
Simile: Words pour from my fingertips as water from a crystal fall.
Sure, I can do it now and give it to you tomorrow in class.
Why I Write
Writing is like a self-councelling. It strengthens my mind and gives me words of advice. I write because writing leads me to listen to my own voice to understand my thoughts.
Writing suggests me what I am. Whenever I write, I tend to be an observant of details and thus suffer sleepless nights from loss of time. Searching for the suitable expressions, I write and rewrite each sentence until I complete it. In fact, I’m really frustrated at my slow pace; on the other hand, I feel that’s OK with me. I’ve accepted myself as a slow writer that is just my weak point. I’m assured I still have enough time for my writing progress.
Writing makes me reasonable and lets me find out a clue to solve a problem. For example, while I write a piece of story, I analyze closely the traits of the characters.
By doing this way, I can predict or review what reactions may provoke a trouble in a relationship. I can also gain an inspiration of how to prevent a conflict by creating the settings. Writing provides me a useful lesson, from which I can get a hint of solution for my difficulties.
Writing motivates me to discover my needs. About a year ago, I wrote about one of my diving events in a narrative essay. Inspired by the recollections in the past—the vigorous challenge, the ultimate effort, the drift dive in winter—consequently, I restarted diving.
Naturally, my style of diving has changed after an interval of ten years. Under the sea, I observe the creatures more thoughtfully than ever, thinking of how to write about them. Through the essay writing, I finally found that diving is my passion.
Writing gives me an insight into my thoughts. I can make an assurance, a solution and a motivation by this practice. I’d like to keep writing to develop my thoughts to feel confident in myself.
323words; second draft
Greek Techniques:
“Writing is like a self –councelling.”—simile
“In fact, I’m really frustrated at my slow pace; on the other hand, I feel that’s OK with me.”—antanagoge
“Inspired by the recollections in the past—the vigorous challenge, the ultimate effort, the drift dive in winter—consequently, I restarted diving.”—Amplication
Hello, Brad
I have to ask you for a copy of my essay, too! (Same as Stacy)
Sorry...the ink of my printer was run over. Some of the sentences are illegible.
Thank you very much.
Why I Write
Why I Write? The answer is because I’m forced (at least, at most time.) I have to confess that I’m a lazy guy to do any paper work. In my nature, I’ve prefer telling to writing.
When I was young, from elementary school to university, I had to write homework and tests under the teachers’ compulsion. Even thought my writings always got highest marks in the whole classes, I didn’t like to write. Since then, I often had dreamed that someday I would have a secretary. Off course, it would be a beautiful girl (lady would be ok too.)
After graduating from university, I’ve written a lot. As I used to be, most time I wrote because I had to. I wrote everything that my bosses wanted. I used to serve many bosses during my whole working period, all of them were satisfied very much with my writings but I just took it as a kind of my business.
Since I moved to Canada, I’ve returned to school. Different from the last time I was in school decades ago, I’m not young any longer; however, the nature of disliking writing stays unchanged. Write just because teachers want. That’s why I’m always the last to hand out the tasting papers or post home work on our blogger.
I think that I’m the guy who often has a lot of ideas and stories flashing in his mind but writes down few. I can kick myself, really. If I would have written those sparkling ideas and amazing stories that used to cross my mind, I would be richer than J.K.Rowling; however, a leopard never changes its spots. I like to use my legs better than using my hands. This is a fact that will have no way to change.
Why I Write
Writing is like the nourishing dose of nutrition that gives me spiritual enlightenment. I am happy I can express my feelings with the power of writing.
All materials can be bought with money but content is spiritual. Writing makes me feel nourished inside my mind. I believe it will last forever in my life since I have learned writing skill and I can write down whatever I want. If there were no writing, life would become very boring, like “a blind man feels an elephant,” in Chinese proverb, meaning unable to learn the whole picture. Then the spiritual would be withered very soon. Writing acts as an important element in my spirit.
I am happy being a Canadian. It gives me a chance to be involved in English environment. Without immigrating to Canada then taking the courses in PALC, I would never write any more. Although I can write in Chinese, writing in English is very important and necessary since I live in Canada. However, the sentence structure and grammar in English are big trouble for me. I enjoy challenge for my discovery because I learn new things constantly.
After continuing education, I realize that writing drives me to read more in order to improve my knowledge. The more I read and write, the more I feel satisfied with my life. In other words, no matter how good or bad things I confront, writing makes me proud of myself when I have ability to write down. For example, I once disputed a wrong payment for my credit card through internet and got a refund later. So, writing motivates me to continue my education.
Writing is like the nutrition that enlightens my spirit. I am happy I can express my feelings with the powerful writing.
Motives of Writing
Writing is a very natural thing—the ideas come from my heart just as if a stream comes from the mysterious forest. Though I have not talent like J.K.Rowling, I can’t imagine that how could I live without any writing. Actually, I have harvested a lot from writing in my life.
It is always my pleasure. In the composition classes, my teachers often have given me a beautiful mark or many encouragements as “Nicely Written!”, or “Excellent work!” that all give me so much happiness and confidence. On the other hand, sharing my ideas, stories, and feelings with others is also a great part of writing. Meanwhile, my classmates come from different countries; it is a joy to learn other thinking and culture. So that, writing is really my enjoyment.
In my opinion, writing is the best way to communicate with others. I have so many communication tools such as telephone, cell phone, and television, but nothing could replace a home letter, a handwriting card, or an email. As you know, most Chinese people are introverted; they are not good at speaking out their feelings. Sometime, writing is my “a lifesaving grass” that could give me a chance to tell truth. At least, it is much easier than speaking something I feel embarrassed.
In addition, writing is much important than above I have mentioned. Especially, as a Chinese-Canadian, recording immigrants’ life in Canada is my responsibility. Following my writing teacher Brad’s instructions, I already have written two short stories, “A Single Wife” and “Newcomers”. They all reflect on the facts of Chinese immigrants’ life. If I have enough English writing skill, I would write more in the future. It is not only a great delight, but also my historic liability.
By writing activities, I have gotten much more than knowledge, skills, or confidence. It makes me to think more meaning of life, the earth, and the others. If any my piece of writing would give somebody an idea, a joy, or a hope, it would be my best wish.
revision:
My Motivation of Writing
Writing is like a nourishing energy. This energy not only gives me spiritual enlightenment but also enriches my soul like a vital spark. I exult in my writing improvement as this gives me a powerful strength to express my feelings.
All materials can be bought with money but content is spiritual. Writing makes me feel nourished inside my mind. I believe it will last forever in my life since I have learned writing skill and I can write down whatever I want. If there were no writing, life would become very boring, like “a blind man feels an elephant,” in Chinese proverb, meaning unable to learn the whole picture. Then the spiritual would wither very soon. Writing acts as an important element in my spirit.
I am happy being a Canadian in that this gives me a chance to be involved in English environment. Without immigrating to Canada then taking the courses in PALC, I would never have written any more. Although I can write in Chinese, writing in English is very important and necessary since I live in Canada. However, the sentence structure and grammar in English are big trouble for me. I enjoy the challenge for my discovery because I learn new things constantly.
After continuing education, I realize that writing drives me to read more in order to improve my knowledge. The more I read and write, the more I feel satisfied with my life. In other words, no matter how good or bad things I confront, writing makes me proud of myself when I have ability to write down them. For example, I once disputed a wrong payment for my credit card through internet and got a refund. So, writing motivates me to continue my education.
Writing is like the nourishing energy that enlightens my spirit and enriches my soul. I am happy I can express my feelings with the powerful writing.
321 words; by Suzanne Wu
Simile: Writing like a nourishing energy, like a vital spark.
If there were no writing, life would be like “a blind man feels an elephant.”
Antanagoge: I can write in Chinese, writing in English is important and necessary.
Joy of My Writing
Writing is a good opportunity to reveal my thoughts. I get a chance of reflection, creative power, and the self-confidence through my writing.
I put all other thoughts and worries out of my mind while I write. I become pure like a sheet of white paper. When I wrote a narrative essay in my English 11 class, I recorded my suffering as a mother. Through the process of writing, I could gain a different sight; my subjective experience was changed objectively. It was a fresh shock to me. I keep writing to reflect myself and to share my spirit with others.
I enjoy creative activities: painting, craft, and cooking. However I like writing the best. Whoever, wherever, and whenever, writing is possible. I love the equality of writing. While I write, I feel self-conceit by cultivating my latent creative power. With my articles I can share hope and sympathy with my classmates. I appreciate my classmates’ mature consideration and moral which are shown well in their writings. As time goes by, I’m afraid of forgetting easily my precious memories. My writng releases me from the worry. I am challenging the saying, “art is long and life is short.”
I pull myself up with my writing. Writing is a tool of access English to me. I prefer reading and writing to speaking because I am not talkative. I have the same experience in Japan, when I have been in there, I learned Japanese through writing. Still I am weak in writing, but it gives me a self-confidence. Someday I will be in an advance school or work. My writing guarantees me an opportunity.
My writing keeps me awake. After the several drafts to draw my thoughts, I am delighted with my writing. I love the feeling of accomplishment. That is joy of my writing.
---305 words.
Three Things That Make Me Write
Writing to me is like learning to drive a car. The more you practice the more you get better at it.
I want to be good in this realm. Also, I write because, I like to learn better writing skills, to
improve the language, and to share my thoughts.
My main purpose of writing is that I like to learn better writing skills for my future education
and the carrier. Better writing will open the doors to many good opportunities. For example, every University and job require good writing skills to meet their requirements. Therefore, I am taking English Writing Twelve to learn all the techniques from Brad. Like Greek Techniques, different Style, and other material to sharp my writing skills.
Also, writing has improved my English language. The mystery behind it that, to write better, I
need to read . So, these both things will make me learn more and accurate the language and I can
replete my need of learning the English language. Writing motivates me to read more literature
and other sources, to became an excellent writer.
I like to share my thoughts; therefore, writing gives me that opportunity to express my ideas on a
piece of paper. For example, writing a letter or e-mail to someone, to share my thoughts that
I cannot say face to face. Therefore, writing is the tool to share thoughts with other.
In conclusion, I like to be genius in writing like a car racer. Also, writing has connection with
reading, so it will make me master of the language. Finally, writing helps me to communicate and share my ideas with other people.
I like to be genius in writing like a car racer (simile)
Writing to me is like learning to drive a car (simile)
Hello, Harjit
I agree! Writing is like driving a car—indeed, without practicing, we can’t improve both driving and writing.
Very interesting essay, Harjit; however, I found your 3rd body paragraph is a bit weaker than the 1st and 2nd. Probably, you might need one or two sentences to explain the result or the effect of the topic sentence.
Like my “consequently,” I see the excessive use of “therefore.” I think it can be omitted or can be change to different phrases or switch to other linking words.
I’m looking forward to reading your revised essay and the new essay.
Thanks, Ritsuko for your comment on my essay.I will rewrite it soon my third body paragraph. thanks again.
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