Thursday, October 16, 2008

A Short Story (1000 to 1500 words)

Now's the time to begin work on something BIG! Don't worry if it is not perfect. Follow Snow's advice and get the story started; perhaps start with an interesting character in some difficult situation. Like Catherine said, look to life for ideas.

Try to have something here before next class. I will too!

14 Tips for Writing the Short Short Story (some pretty good advice; scroll down to read)

Anton Chekhov's Short Stories (often very short so are good models to follow)

Short Stories: 10 Tips for Novice Creative Writers


ESTHER park said...

Hello, brad... sorry to bother u at this hour, but can i ask u a question about writing a short story?? i'm working on my short story right now, and i'm curious that do u want us to write a block paragragh, or write it as a big paragraph?? once again, so sorry to bother u...^^*

ESTHER park said...

this is my second draft of a short story, i hope u like it...^^*
Struggling To Survive

Most parents wish their children to grow up to be a doctor, a lawyer, or a successful business person, but not Esther’s parents because all they want their little baby girl to be healthy always. One sunny day at a hospital, “She’s not going to live. But if she did, she would be a vegetable,” was only answer that three-months-old baby girl’s parents could hear.

Esther’s parents were very excited when they heard they’re expecting a little girl and couldn’t wait their children to tell they’re going to have a new baby sister! Their children told to be very careful not to hit their newborn baby sister, and change the diapers when it’s dirty, or smells bad. When Esther’s parents arrived home with their newborn baby, their children immediately knew their new sister came home. They did everything what they told to do, and even gave her a bath! They were very excellent with the baby.

One sunny day as usual, she played with her brother and sister, but suddenly she threw up and got a fever and felt stiff all over her bodies. Somehow, she felt it and cried, cried, and cried. Of course, her parents didn’t know what to do and slept on it. Hoping next morning she would feel better, but guess what? She was still sick and she really had to go to her family doctor and examine her thoroughly. After one visit, they were relieved to hear that all the babies go through the same routine. During that night, Esther was so sick, and fainted. Her parents, her sister, and her brother, too, were shocked and surprised. All of her relatives and friends were prayed that she would be all right and just be cold and nothing more serious.

At a university hospital, a doctor told them to get ready for the worst, and that night might be the last night to see her alive. Esther’s parents, of course, fell down to the ground, and cried uncontrollably. ‘All I wanted her to be a healthy baby girl, and grow up. Are those such crimes?’ Esther’s mom cried, cried, and cried to the Mother Maria’s statue. Next morning, the doctor came with a tragic news. The news was that Esther’s not going to live, so they’d better get ready for a funeral. Esther’s mom insisted that she would come alive, and she couldn’t go to funeral, she couldn’t, wouldn’t let her go because her mom somehow believed she would wake up. A few tragic weeks had passed and as if God heard the news, Esther was alive again, but she was like a newborn baby because she couldn’t talk, let alone walk.

After the survival, her struggling to survive, and the difficult paths have just begun because no one said that was easy for her to stay alive, and she had to fight all her mighty to maintain. As she saw the obstacles, it was like these: the obstacles are like very high mountains, so all she has to do was climb, climb, and climb and if you fall, get up and climb back again.

And because of the sickness, the side-effect had left her crossed-eyes, and her teeth were like rabbit. ‘But that’s ok,’ her mom thought. ‘Because she could and would learn everything, it just takes time to learn them. That is all,’ and she did. One by one, step by step, she learned to walk, and talk.

Esther still remembers how she and her mom went to a “special school” to learn to speak forcefully. Especially one day, when she was about to learn to speak a sound “Zzzzzzzzzzzzz,” the teacher made her to speak by putting a chocolate chip on her tongue, and made her say the sound “Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.”That was the most difficult thing to do and a nightmare to her. If someone asks her if she would go back and learn, she would run away from them.

One day, Esther and her mom got on the subway and on their way to “special school” and she was quite as a mouse as always, but suddenly she burst into tears. The reason was that one kid who sat across to Esther was teasing about her crossed-eyes. Hearing this, Esther’s mom was so upset and started to look for a eye doctor who could perform a miracle on her eyes. And luckily she did after the two painful eye surgeries, she was able to see the same way as the normal children do. After many years later, she has some crossed eyes left on her eyes if you see her closely, and carefully.

Finally, Esther got into her first kindergarten. Unfortunately after one year, the kindergarten that she went to had to close, nowhere to go. Plus, her best friend’s son’s mom said to Esther’s mom that her son couldn’t play with Esther anymore because the path is going to be so different and that was that. Esther’s mom couldn’t believe what she was hearing. ‘Wasn’t that her who forced my daughter to be his best friend, and wasn’t that her who pretends to be friendly and nice to my daughter?’ After what she had heard, Esther's mom was goddamn mad at her, she started to look for a second better kindergarten, and she did.

She went to two kindergartens. When she arrived at a second kindergarten, she was so happy, and couldn’t believe her eyes because they were all wearing a uniform, and the place was so huge. One week later, she was excited because she made some new friends, and she was fitting in there perfectly. One day, her teacher called the whole class, telling them they’re going to have annual recital, and she and her classmates were going to have Spanish dance, so please let their parents to sign a form saying, ‘My daughter,---- is going to participate this dance, and must pay the dance uniform.’ Esther’s parents did, and the annual recital went perfectly.

After few years later, she went to an elementary school and graduated. During her last two years of elementary school was a nightmare. She was always picked on, and teased because at times when she speaks, she couldn’t say the word or sentence correctly, and that made everyone laugh, and that got her into tears many times. And so, she survived and had to go to another obstacle.

Esther was a brave little girl in front her parents because immediately after Esther graduated from the elementary school, she immigrated to Canada. Soon after she landed in Canada, she went to Canadian high school, and started to adapt a new world prepared for her. During her high school years, she was obedient to finish her high school. But the grades weren’t that good, so she had to go to Communications, and graduated with Comm. 12 with a C.

After Esther graduated, she went to Capilno College, hoping that she could somehow get English 12 degree, but she couldn’t. After few years later, she got a certificate with ASL (American Sign Language).Still studying, hoping to get English 12 degree, and still struggling to stay alive.

Words: 1,204.

Brad (teacher) said...

Hi Esther, Sorry for not getting back to you sooner but the email forwarding feature is sometimes buggy at! You've figured out paragraphing on your own. They look fine. I'm pretty sure your story is true, but I mean for students to write a fictional story and try to "show" rather than "tell" it. Use your imagination. Certainly, however, you can use your experience to help you to create a fictional character. Try it and see what comes out.

ESTHER park said...

thank u for ur comment, brad... can i ask u a question about using imagination because i always thought that using imagination means exaggeration to the story, i've always used my experiences to tell as it is, i don't feel quite right to use it because if i use it, i'll feel exaggerating...^^* so do u think i should rewrite?? have a nice weekend...^^*
p.s: how did u figure it out it was me?? i was quite surprised that u are the first person...^^*

snow said...

Hi, brad, I racked my brains for making my story longer, but I didn’t reach your target of the 1000 to 1500 words. I think after I learn more from you, my writings will correspond with your requirements step by step. I hope you like my story and correct it for me. Many thanks.


Making Notes

It was the first class for the new students who had just entered the university. The golden light of the rising sun that was shining through the windows lit up the classroom, and it also illuminated the professor who stood on the middle of the platform in the front of the classroom. At that moment, the professor was concentrating on teaching his students in a flow of eloquence. His sonorous voice was the polish cadences, with his right hand sometimes waving in the air, as if he was giving a recitation performance. His flashing eyes sometimes contemplated out of the back window at far-end of the classroom, farsightedly leaping over the denseness of students’ black top-heads.

The professor noticed that all the students were listening with rapt attention and busy jotting. The rubbing sounds of pens and papers only filled in the classroom except the professor’s magnetic voice. All of the students’ eye-sights with full of the admiration and eagerness, like many x-rays, projected powerful beams of light to the professor. The sense of the rubbing sound rising and down exchanging with the x-rays radiating to the professor and turning back to the notebooks deeply moved the professor. He was just teaching his famous theory “ The Progression of the Knowledge by Society Development”. Because of this theory, he was awarded as the first-class professor in this first-rate university. He had taught thousands of times about the theory successfully, and most of times are for the new students. When he taught this theory that made a name for himself, he always felt his blood boiled with high temperature, his heart flopped fast, and his face reddened with a overexcited emotion. After his brilliant lecture, a large number of his new fans were born. So he was so proud of his idea of the theory. He always emphasized the importance of making notes on the theory and then trying to recite them.

At that moment, he was casting his eyes around the classroom swiftly to make sure everyone making notes with a satisfactory smiling. Suddenly, his smiling face changed into grim, and his eye-sights were frozen in the corner beside a window of the back of the classroom. He found a boy-student didn’t make notes. The boy was just staring out of the window. The professor followed the boy’s eyes to look out of the window, “nothing!” he murmured in his heart. “His mind must wander somewhere,” he thought. He had taught more than thirty years in his teaching career, none of students was absent-minded like that. The boy seemed to have break the strong learning atmosphere. The professor couldn’t bear such situation exist any longer, he decided to correct him immediately.

The boy didn’t notice the big change of the mood from the professor. He still cupped his chin in his hands towards the window by staring blankly, and his elbows were against the desk. The professor strode quickly and stood in front of him with a slight panting. He curved his finger knocking on his desk.

“Wake up! Don’t you know where you are?” the professor said to the boy in a very stern and depressed voice.

The boy was shocked. He turned back instantly and looked up to the professor with half-opened mouth and widened eyes.

“ Pro…,Pro…, Professor,” the boy stammered.

The professor interrupted him and said, “Don’t you know how important the class is! Why didn’t you make notes? What are you doing here?”

All the students turned back their head to look at both of them. The boy’s face blushed, and his lip tremble slightly, “Sorry about that. I had the notes,” he said in a weak voice.

“Did you? Show me your notebook!” the professor ordered.

The boy took out a delicate book from the drawer and hand to him. He opened the first page of the notebook, careful ant neat notes appeared before his eyes. He looked boy and back to the notes in turns several times with a doubtable expression. Because he found the notes not only include what he had taught this morning, but also include what he would teach in the future.

“Tell me the truth. This isn’t yours. I have noticed you for a long time. You didn’t make any notes. For sure, your brain had a good trip somewhere,” the professor said calmly this time.

The boy found the flames of the professor’s fury began to go out, He said loudly, “This is my father’s notes. He used to be your student while he studied in the university. He liked what you have taught very much. He has kept the notes until now. When he knew I’m your student, he gave all these to me. Here are another several notebooks all about your classes.”

There were several notebook with different color covered surface on the boy’s desk. The professor looked them, and then he suddenly felt the world frozen with a dead silence. He felt exhausted, as if his energy had run out at that moment. “I need to have enough sleep right now,” he thought in his heart. But he found he was surrounded by many eyes with great eagerness.

865 wards

Brad (teacher) said...

Snow: A good draft. Here's my advice: reduce the opening two paragraphs by 30% or more. Get to the real meat of the story earlier. I enjoy the story far more when the professor interacts with his student. To increase length, add another scene. Perhaps the student and teacher meet again later in the day. Why not have them meet while walking on campus. What would they say? Or, perhaps try having the professor in a new situation somewhere.

Also, revise out the "telling" parts. Instead, show more. Not to worry about the word count at the moment. You have an interesting character; work with him and let us meet him more naturally and your story can work, I think.

Brad (teacher) said...

Hi Esther, Using imagination does not mean exaggerating, no. Most fiction is a stylized representation of real life and not exactly like real life. Rather than retelling your own story, perhaps try an invented character (who can be like someone you know, but not exactly) Good luck!

ESTHER park said...

hello, brad... sorry to bother u like this, but i hope it'll be ok to leave it as it is because i have to change the whole short story again,and that could probably make a ploblem... once again, so sorry to bother u... ^^*

Makassia said...

Hi Brad, I have just written my first draft, so can you please read these two first drafts and tell me which one is better?

Makassia said...

Perfect Man

She really was pretty and because of that, she has rejected three marriage proposals, thinking the proposers are not as good-looking as she is. Her mom has cried well enough, but her respond to that is “Only tears are coming down, not blood, so that means nothing to me.”

Nafina was the prettiest girl in a small village called Jala. Every morning when other girls are busying helping their moms to cook breakfast, Nafina would be busy polishing her nails with nail polish, rolling her hair with hair rollers and making her long beautiful face look even prettier. She always sat under a mango tree three blocks way from the village since it was where most of all the villagers sat in the afternoon and gossip about whoever was on the rumor-list.

“Nafina’s mom was crying again this morning about her daughter being too picky about what guy to marry,” said a slender girl.

“Well, that’s…,” another girl started, but suddenly stopped when she saw the victim swaggering with a satisfied smile on her face.

The slender girl said hello to her and asked, “Why are you smiling?”

“It’s that ungly guy we saw on our way to the market the other day”

The other two girls looked puzzled.

“The guy that said he likes me and would like to marry me?”

“Oh. What did he say this time?” The other girl asked, mockingly.

“The same trash”

“I don’t see any problem with that guy, Nafina. He’s really handsome,” the slender girl said.

“Have you seen his left arm?” Nafina asked disappointedly

“He has a burnt mark on his arm, she continued, “and when he smiles, I feel like going underneath the ground because he is a wart. Moreover, I do not want to marry any man who has marks on any part of his body. His skin must be as smooth as a baby’s butt.”

The two girls changed a gossip look and then burst into laughter.

“I don’t think you’d get marry then because I don’t think you’d find a man like that,” the slender girl said.

Nafina glared at her and sighed. They all sat silent and watched the twilight as it outlined in the western horizon.

The next day at noon, Nafina who was dressed in her best sleeveless summer dress, was sitting on a thick branch of the mango tree, facing the direction toward the village. A man from nowhere stood behind her, raking his hand through her long shinny hair. She whirled around and saw a light in complexion, handsome man, smiling at her. She smiled back and told him her name. The man said his name was Ramsey and that he is from the other village that is about five hours walking distance from Jala. They both sat, chitchatting for a while and he decided he wanted to go home because it would take him a while to get home.

On Friday, after three days of their meeting, he came back again from nowhere and sat awaiting Nafina. After five minutes, Miss pretty wandered toward the mango tree and suddenly walked a bit faster when she saw her “perfect man”. After a few aimless words, Perfect Ramsey said that he is in love with and would like to marry her and with no hesitation, Finicky accepted his proposal.

“You have to come with your parents first to see my parents and then they can discuss,” Nafina said.

“Sorry, I’m an orphan,” Ramsey said sadly. “I can go and see your parents now because I don’t have anybody to come with me.

You must be out of your mind,” Nafina’s mom shouted when Nafina returned from escorting Ramsey. How could you agree to marry someone you don’t know?”

“Here we go again, mommy. What is wrong with marrying him? He‘s a nice guy and he loves me and that’s it whether you like it or not.

Tears rolled down her mom’s pale cheeks because she knew her daughter had made up her mind. She shoved Nafina out of her way and went into their brick house. Nafina rolled her blue eyes, entered the house, and without a word to her mom, sat eating the cooked rice on the wooden dinning table that stood in the very corner of their small rectangular room.

“When are you going to get marry?” Mina, Nafina’s best friend asked.

“In August,” she answered, with a smile that almost reached her ears.

“Nafina, I just want to let you know that your mom and I care and cherish you very much, so please don’t just marry that guy because you don’t know him and he hasn’t even told you very much about where he’s from.”

Nafina stood up and glared at her best friend. “I can see that my mom has impelled you to come and tell me this non-sense. When she was marrying my dad, I wasn’t there to tell her that dad is not the right man for her, so I want her to let me choose my own husband.” She walked away, leaving her best friend without any goodnight word.

Three other girls and two men escorted the new wedded couple. Their wedding has taken place in mid-August and only a few people were there at the wedding, including her mom who was dreadfully miserable.

“Darling, I think it’s getting dark now and it won’t be necessary for these people to follow us to our destination. So why don’t we let them go back and we two can continue our journey?” Ramsey said.

“Well, if you say so. But how many more hours do we have to walk?”

“I am sure we’ll be there in three hours because we’ve walked for two hours already.”

She thanked and told them to go back because it getting dark. The others headed back to Jala as they continue their journey. The sky was dark and smoky and lightning flashed, and thunder rumbled, echoing as if it was a million miles away.

After another three hours of walking, Nafina slouched while her “Perfect man” rushed. She shuffled toward a round rock near the dusty narrow road and sat on it.

“We’ve walked for another four hours, but haven’t reached the village yet.”

“Ramsey pretended he didn’t hear her. “I am talking to you, Ram,” she shouted angrily. Don’t tell me the village you’re talking about is Kinimisadu because it takes a walker twenty-four hours to get there.”

“It’s not Kinimisadu, he said softly. It’s between Jala and Kinimisadu.”

“There’s no village between Jala and Kinimisadu, Ram. For goodness sake, are you telling me that you don’t know your own village?”

“Come on Nafina, of course I know my own village.”

“I am not going anywhere because I am tired. Continue if you want, but I am not taking an inch from here. Either take me back to Jala or get me to your village in five minutes.”

Ramsey stood up and told her that he will get her some water to drink then. He left, leaving her sitting on the rock. After five or ten minutes, she heard her perfect man and others unknown laughter.

“Hi darling said an unknown voice. She turned around and saw a man with a badly scarred face, sitting in a wheelchair. She looked around to see if he was talking to somebody else.

“It’s you I’m talking to, darling Nafina,” he laughed.

Nafina frowned and asked, “What’s going on here, Ram?”

“Oh. Pardon my behavior,” wheelchair man answered before Ramsey could speak. Ramsey is my brother who I sent to marry a beautiful girl for me and bring her to me in our private village, and he surely got me the kind I wanted.”

“I do not believe you because you are in a wheelchair and I think stupidity is what making you to think that I am your “darling”.”

He is right, Nafina. I married you for him. I’m already married to a beautiful girl,” Ramsey said as he stretched his hand for a tall, slender girl who held his hands and smile at Nafina.

“I am a lucky girl, right, Nafina?”

She ignored the girl and asked Ramsey where the village was so she could rest and return to Jala in the morning.

“We live in this jungle and u can only sleep in our house if you agree to be my brother’s wife or you refuse and we tie you to this tree for hungry lions to eat you tonight,” Ramsey said.

“No!” Nafina shouted.

Nafina, are you okay?” her mom asked as she shook her until she was awake and conscious.

She hugged her mom and apologize “mom, I’m so sorry for disrespecting and not listening to you. I will marry the man you want me to marry even if he is uglier than a wart.”

Her mom patted her, smile and said, “I love you and I’ve forgiven you.”

“Thanks mom and I love you too.”

1,498 words

Brad (teacher) said...

Makassia: That's a difficult request for me to accomplish. Perhaps you should state where and what and why you've changed things between the two versions. Bring your account to class and perhaps we can find time to discuss it there.

Brad (teacher) said...

Hi Hong: Could you please put two spaces between each of your paragraphs and then put your comment in again? As it is, it's hard for us to read. Thanks!

snow said...

Hi, Brad, Thanks for your encouragement and helpful advices. This is my second draft. Following your advices, I have revised my story, and included reducing opening two paragraphs more than 30% , adding another scenes to make the story bigger than the first draft. I hope you like it and correct it. Many thanks.

Making Notes

It was the first class for the new students who had just entered the university. The rising sunshine through the windows was shining up the classroom, and it also illuminated the professor who stood in front of the classroom. At that moment, the professor was concentrating on teaching his students in a flow of eloquence. His sonorous voice was the polish cadences, with his right hand sometimes waving in the air, as if he was giving a recitation performance. He was just teaching his famous theory “ The Progression of the Knowledge by Society Development”.

All the students were listening with rapt attention and busy jotting. The rubbing sounds of pens and papers only filled in the classroom except the professor’s magnetic voice. The eye-sights of students, like many x-rays, projected powerful beams of light to the professor, with full of the admiration and eagerness.

The professor was reaching the high point of the theory that made a name for him before.
He felt his voice louder, his blood boiled, his heart flopped fast, and his face reddened with an overexcited emotion. He knew after this brilliant lecture, a large number of his new fans were born as usual. Then he emphasized the importance of making notes on the theory and suggested trying to recite them after class.

To make sure all students follow his order, he was casting his eyes around the classroom swiftly to inspect everyone making notes with a satisfactory smiling. Suddenly, his smiling face changed into grim, he frowned, and his eye-sights were frozen in the back corner of the classroom, beside a window. He found a boy-student was just staring out of the window without making notes. The professor followed the boy’s eyes to look out of the window, “nothing!” he murmured in his heart. “His mind must wander somewhere,” he thought. He had taught more than thirty years in his teaching career, none of students was absent-minded like that. The boy seemed to have break the strong learning atmosphere. The professor couldn’t bear such situation exist any longer, he decided to correct him immediately.

The boy didn’t notice the big change of the mood from the professor. He still cupped his chin in his hands towards the window by staring blankly, and his elbows were against the desk. The professor strode quickly and stood in front of him with a slight panting. He curved his finger knocking on his desk.

“Wake up! Don’t you know where you are?” the professor said to the boy in a very stern and depressed voice.

The boy was shocked. He turned back instantly and looked up to the professor with half-opened mouth and widened eyes.

“ Pro…,Pro…, Professor…..,” the boy stammered.

The professor interrupted him and said, “Don’t you know how important the class is! Why didn’t you make notes? What are you doing here?”

All the students turned back their heads to look at both of them. The boy’s face blushed, and his lip tremble slightly, “Sorry about that. I have the notes,” he said in a weak voice.

“Did you? Show me your notebook!” the professor ordered.

The boy took out a delicate book from the drawer and hand it to him. He opened the first page, careful ant neat notes appeared before his eyes. He looked boy and back to the notes in turns several times with a doubtable expression. Because he found the notes not only include what he had taught this morning, but also include what he would teach in the future.

“Tell me the truth. It isn’t yours. I have noticed you for a long time. You didn’t make any notes. For sure, your brain had a good trip somewhere,” the professor said calmly this time.

The boy found the flames of the professor’s fury began to go out, He said loudly, “It’s my father’s notes. He used to be your student while he studied in the university. He liked what you have taught very much. He has kept the notes until now. When he knew I’m your student, he gave all these to me. Here are another several notebooks all about your classes.”

There were several notebooks with different covers on the boy’s desk. The professor looked them, the handwriting seemed familiar. “His father’s notes?” he thought, the suspicion not only rose in his heart, but also appeared on his face. An express-speed searching started in his computerized brain at that instant. Suddenly, a slight frown on his face and flashing in his eyes, as though something picked up from his flashed-back memory. He seemed just to be woken from the frozen world with a dead silence. But he felt exhausted, as if his energy had run out at the moment. He paced up slowly to the front and then turned back to the students. He glanced up the clock on the wall and said, “Ok, everybody, ten minutes left to the break. You’d better review what you have learned this morning . After the break, an instructor will explain the safety items in twenty minutes. Then we’ll have our second class.”

The professor stepped out the classroom hesitatingly. Since he had taught thousands of times, he never ended the class early. But this time, his teaching fanaticism had gone, just like a high-flying kite with a broken string.

“Professor, professor,…,” a series of hurried footsteps and voice with a probing tone are coming behind him with a hurried voice. “It must be the boy,” he thought.

To the boy surprises, instead of blaming, the professor turned back to him and blurted out, “I know your father, his name is Bred, the best one of my students,” his tone indisputable, but his expression cordial.

The boy nodded his head and said, “Yeah, you are right. He admires you very much. He showed me a lot about your articles on the newspaper. That’s way I am interested in the subject.”
The professor smile and asked, “are you free right now?”

The boy nodded his head again, “yeah.”

“Ok, come on, let’s have a short talk.” The professor gave a slight tilt towards his office to the boy.

In the office, the professor looked more easeful, he said to the boy, “I know your father also is famous in the education industry. He has taught the same subject for years in his hometown’s university. We have lost contact for a few years.” He paused a moment, and suddenly asked, “Why didn’t you join him?”

“Because here is the first-rate university with first-class teachers and students. I have learned a lot from my father, I want to get more knowledge from another channel. Before we learn your class, we got a lot of knowledge related with the subject from the Internet, including download your 23 articles, our classmates shared each others materials last night in the library,” the boy answered.

“Good students, hardworking, all of you like your father. Could you tell me how much you understand my theory?” the professor gave his thick glasses a slight touch with his finger, and then stared at the boy.

The boy began to explain what he knew about the theory in order. His speech lasted more than 15 minutes without a pause, brim-full of his wisdom and confidence. “How gifted boy he is!” the professor highly praised in his heart, but still calmed on his face. After the boy finished his explaining, the professor said, “Good job, you did an excellent preparation. Ok, Your time is up, the safety instruction will begin.”

“Ok, thanks for your patient. See you later.” the boy looked at his watch and said, then he ran out of the office.

The professor stood in front of the window, gazed out the distance and seemed lost in thought. “How much degree do I know my students that master the knowledge of the subject? How much do I change the teaching content following the developing of the society? How often do I adjust my teaching style focusing on the students’ requirements? How…?” His brain seemed filling with many question marks which asked himself. “I need to change everything from now on,” he made up his mind. “But how about the second class? The former teaching content that I prepared already was total incompatible with the current students needs?” he was anxious. Suddenly, an idea flashed into his mind. “Good !” He waved his fist in the air, as though he found himself again.

It was the second class. All students were sating in a circle shape by facing to everybody. The professor was among them. The students were having an animated discussion about the theory they learned in the first class and the subject they want to know in the future. The professor was writing notes busily. He couldn’t stop catching the firelight of the students’ thought from the discussion.

The boy’s eye-sights hadn’t moved from the professor for a long time. He rose his heartfelt
admiration to the professor. “Dad appraised highly of the professor before. He is right. The professor has a strong sense of responsibility to students.” He took out his father’s notebook and softly touched the surface with his fingers, “ Thanks, Dad. Your writing notes.”

1538 wards

Makassia said...

Hi Brad, I just thought that the one that ended with “yes, it’s me, your “perfect man” isn’t realistic because the reader would think is not possible for a human to turn to a snake. And the one that ended with Nafina apologizing has a resolution whereas the snake one has none. So I just wanted to know which could be better and base on reality.

Hongxin Guo said...

A Good Beginning

Mack, a freshman of the university, walked through the corridor to the examination classroom with full of hope and confidence.

The classroom was spacious and bright with big windows. Five blackboards stood on the one side of the room, and a desk and a chair by the one end of them. On the other side, a huge table covered a bright blue tablecloth. There were a pen container in the center of the table and two pots of flowers beside it. It really was a harmony and quiet place.
Professor Son sat behind the table. His was silver haired man with reddish face. He already had taught them The Theoretical Mechanics for a year.

Test began. Professor Son gestured Mack to pick one of the examination sheet from the pen container.

While Mack opened the test paper, he was shocked—it was No. 13! Before Mack, four classmates picked this sheet, and all of them failed. Maybe, he was the fifth one! This cursed paper made Mack turn pale. What a cursed sheet!

“Examination sheet’s number?”--Professor’s voice awakened Mack from his nightmare.

“Number 13!” –Mack answered in a timid voice, and the sheet was shivered in his hands.

Professor Son stared at Mack with an inquiry sight and asked: “Do you have any questions?”

“No.” Mack answered in a flurry.

“One hour for you to ready.” professor Son said.

*** *** ***

Mack turned to the desk and prepared his answer: making some notes on the paper and drawing pictures on the black board.

The first and the second questions were not too difficult for Mack. But the third and the fourth ones were not so easy. Forty minutes later, Mack almost finished about eighty percent of the questions. At this time, he felt relax a little. “Maybe, I wouldn’t be the
failed fifth.” He thought.

Professor Son was doing his things silently. Sometimes, he gave a glance of what Mack drew on the blackboard saying nothing.

The test continued. The classroom was so quiet. No sound could be heard except the chalk scratched on the blackboard. Through the window pane, the sunbeam penetrated into and brightened all the room.

Now, the fifth question! On the blackboard, Mack drew a conical body rotating around its vertical axis, and then a spiral slot on its surface, and a small ball sliding down along the slot….He dissembled all the details to be the isolated objects. He analyzed them all in orderly ways that were taught by Professor Son many times in this year.

Mack stepped a few paces back and looked the blackboard up and down. He thought hard and hard, trying this way or trying that way. But this question was tricky: the gravity caused acceleration and the rotating carrying movement caused another kind of acceleration. It was a hard nut to crack.

Suddenly his face flushed; his eyes brightened—he got the point!

The professor noticed the change of his appearance. He raised his head and stared at the Mack’s drawing. He went through the every action that Mack made till Mack reported loudly that he was ready to answer.

Mack reported slowly and clearly. Mr. Son listened quietly and said no word. Till Mack finished his report and made ready to answer questions, Mr. Son still said nothing; he just looked at the blackboard again and pondered for a while.

This moment made Mack so nerved that let him think that professor Son certainly found some huge mistakes in it. “Yes. It surely is.”--Mack supposed a big explosion would burst soon later. But Professor Son said no words and wouldn’t want to say anything. The atmosphere in the room was so heavy to Mack; it seemed to be frozen. It seemed as if t
the God of the fate was knocking the door.

“Sweep out all of them!” Professor Son ordered.

While Mack did, he measured the situation and predicted what would happen in the next. Suddenly a kind of ominous feeling welled up in his mind—perhaps “The huge mistake … that’s so serious…and that’s not worth asking at all!” The idea haunted over his heart just like the dark clouds rolled over the mountains.
Mack returned to the middle of the room and waited the “court verdict” with fidgeting.

Eventually, beyond Mack’s expectation, a series of questions burst: “Why didn’t you do …?” “Why did you …?” And “Why you…?” At last, the dark clouds poured all the hail they carrying on to Mack’s head. He questioned one after another. There’s no more time to think about for Mack, and there’s no other way except to pour all the beans out of his bowl. While no more beans to pour, there were no more words to say. He stucked.The classroom turned to the embarrassed silent again.

The awkward silent continued. Mack calculated the points he gained in this round. It‘s so few. Only one third was good. The second one third was fifty-to-fifty, and the last one third was stuck for answer. Poor Mack, hopeless Mack!

Professor Son waited a while and turned to a kind of heart-to-heart talk voice and asked: “Have you ever thought of the other ways to solve the last one?”

“Yes.” Mack answered. “At first, I try to use the traditional method…but it is too long for their formula expressions, and it’s too complicated for its drawing.”

“How about your third way?”

Mack thought a while and answered: “I’m not very clear. I suppose if…, perhaps it works. But I’m not sure.”

Professor Son nodded, and asked: “Think hard about the fourth method.”

Mack racked his brain for any of the fresh idea, thought and thought again, but the inspiration seemed dried up. At last, he had no alternative but said “I have no idea.”

The classroom came to quiet again. Professor Son waited a while, opened Mack’s Mark booklet, signed in and closed it, and then back it to Mack.

*** *** ***

As soon as Mack went out of the examination classroom, his classmates waiting their turn in the corridor surrounded him to inquiry the news.
“I happened to get the sheet No. 13!” Mack introduced.

“Gee, how are things going?

“I haven’t even seen my booklet”, Mack murmured.

“Open and see it!” someone asked eagerly.

“Hurrah! It is five!” they all cheered in low voices.

Through the corridor Mack ran out of the faculty’s building to the campus to enjoy the fresh air. Under the blue sky and the warm sunshine, he felt so free. At this time, the first thing to him was to go to the buffet and get something tasty to award himself. And then, of course, he’d like to have a pleasant summer vacation, and after then he would be a sophomore.

Now he walked across the campus with the firmly steps liked a soldier marched on in his regiment. The pace was rhythmic and steady.

He didn’t get dizzy with success, only a little pleasant with himself. The result made him happy, but he rejoiced that he successfully completed the transition from a middle school to the university. It was the first step, but it was a steady step.

Words: 1197 Mon Oct 27, 09:23:00 PM 2008

Sonya said...

Fish Tank Story
One morning in her way to the bank, Sonya found a fish tank in the back door area of their building. All neighbours used to put outside the things that wanted to rid of them but still were useful. However, everybody expected to see something useful not a live creature. She shocked when recognized a Moor was swimming in the dropped tank. Feeling pity for the vulnerable and left behind small creature, she brought it to her home and called loudly: “Sasan, come and see what I found!”
Astonishingly, Sasan looked at the thing in her hand: “A fish tank with a fish in it?”
“Don`t touch it. I will come back as soon as possible.”
From that day, Sasan enthusiastically looked for companions for the little lonely black goldfish with its telescopic eyes and twin tails, the Moor. Without any knowledge, he bought some Tetras from different kinds: Pristella, Danio, Glowlight, and Serpae. Then, the strange ventures started happening. Two of Glowlights jumped out the tank during the first night spending in the home. The next morning, when Sonya found them, greedily became worry about the money she lost by their death. After coming back from washroom, she checked again the fish tank. Another Glowlight was missing, too. She searched everywhere to find her, an absurd search. With a deep doubt, she looked at the Moor, who was the biggest among others, with a big mouth. The missing silver Glowlight with her red line in her flank became an unsolved mystery.
By many efforts, they found a medium size fish tank in the Salvation Army Thrift Store. They wanted to organize a beautiful fish tank all for sake of their adopted black Goldfish, the Moor. Somehow, he became their beloved baby. Sonya was speaking to him and petting him with tapping finger softly on his head when he was coming up during feeding time.
Cleaning and organizing the new tank with its sands and plants, and put aside the water for a day, took almost two days of working from them. It was a joyous job. When the main job finished, Sasan again thought the capacity of the tank is enough to buy more fish. They already had seven different Goldfish, two Serpae Tetras, one Glowlight, and two Danios. Two Pristella died in the first day naturally. Against Sonya`s willing, he bought four Serpaes, four Neon tetras, three Guppies with other six different kinds of Goldfish. The school of the eight red with black spots Serpae with their sharp mouth gave a bad feeling to Sonya. Especially when she recognized the fang look teeth in their small tight mouth. They seemed were ruling over the tank environment. Other schools of the fish gathered tightly together in different angles.
Torn and tattered tails of the small Tetras and baby Goldfish obsessed Sonya, who was warningly watching the tank every hour. Sasan believed she became very irritant person about the fish tank, but she insisted, “I saw the red Tetra is attacking my lovely Moor.”
“Ah! How could even happened? He is five times bigger than them!”
“I know but my Moor is the kindest and the most harmless fish I ever seen. Look at him how much is concern about baby Goldfish?”
It was true. If a Goldfish become ill or tired of living, giving up and lying face upward, he pet them with his chin in order to make them active and alive again.
The doubt about torn tails of the small fish went to climax when a blue female Guppy started hiding herself under the stones and shells. Sonya and Sasan became frustrated and judged her.
“What a weak and frightened fish! Why she is always trying to find a hiding place?”
That incident happened once for a Neon Tetra, also. After he was not showing himself for couple of days, he came out of someplace but looked very skinny. The day after, he disappeared for ever. In no place they found the small fish with its beautiful azure and orange phosphoric colours.
The condition of the tank, day by day getting worse, and they start to blame the fish seller.
“Maybe, he sold us some ill fish. Look at their tails! I have to separate them from others.”
Sonya took out all different kind of Tetras, yet she left the school of the eight with a male Guppy and two female Guppies and the seven remained Goldfish including the Moor. The day after separation, blue female Guppy trapped in a shellfish and died.
“What a timid creature! Who is in fear of confronting the world will commit suicide. I know! Coward! ”
Both of them, somehow, were watching themselves in the fate of the blue female Guppy, loneliness, frightened and foreigner in the new environment. They both knew that by blaming her, they were blaming themselves as well, but no one dare to mention that bitter fact. They continued to blame little creature until the next morning found a terrible fact. One of the red baby Goldfish was without an eye!
Sonya shivered when saw that brutal treatment to her lovely little red Goldfish. At that time, all clouds of doubts went aside. The Serpae Tetras attacked her and ate her eye. Without any doubt, they were the only ones who could do such horrible attack by their sharp mouth and teeth. With a burning heart Sasan sighed, “Ah, bastards!”
“That’s it! I told you!”
“I apologize you beautiful blue Guppy!”
Sonya angrily took out all of them. The school of Serpae were quiet nimble and brisk. The fresh blood in their daily diet gave them a different characteristic. To approve that those fish are blood eaters, Sonya dropped a tiny bit of ground meat for them. It disappeared in a second. Sasan and Sonya sorrowfully looked at each and felt guilty in their burden hearts. They kept those bloodthirsty fish near to their beloved Moor for almost a month. How many times they bite him? They even do not know! Their unacceptable ignorance was a nightmare.
They took away all Tetras outside the back door and left a note instruction about their diet, the important thing that the seller of fish never told them.
1040 words

Shadow Shu--Beatirce said...

The Anniversary

The stars sparkled in the sky, and gleaming beam of lights splashed into the grand parvis. The dooryard was obscure; it could have been a hereditary of a Chinese noble family from Qing Dynasty, a place of stainless hardwood furniture, carved fish pond, jade-inlayed birdcage hung on the pillar, immersed with opium and savory, rising smog of sandalwood.

It would be the 11th anniversary if Bob was still alive. Three months ago, Lily moved to this small, warm city in southern China. The birdcage was empty; she released the bird the day she brought this house. She gave this redemption to the bird as she understood that feeling.

Bob and she were college sweethearts. Bob was charmed with Chinese culture and Lily’s Chinese-style-beauty. Lily had long, straight, black hair. She was slim and tall.She has very attractive, slender voice. When she smiled, boys melted in her dimples.She never wore anything obvious sexy clothes, for their first several dates, Lily insisted to return to home before twelve o’clock. Many boys liked Lily, but she gave the only chance to Bob.

They married immediately after graduation. Bob became a very successful attorney. Lily certainly became the housewife, the most peaceful and satisfied woman waiting for her husband to come home for dinner everyday.

Life just passed faster than your imagination. They had no kids, since Bob didn’t like children. Lily wanted to move back to China or at least somewhere much warmer. Bob insisted living in Quebec with his families around. He was no more charmed with Chinese culture. “That was just little trick to make you happy. Woman likes that.” after years later, Bob admitted that there was nothing from China interested him except Lily.

Bob often traveled;sometimes just one day, sometimes several days.Even Lily didn’t understand why he took so many cases outside Quebec. Her families all returned to China, she wanted too.

August 30th, 2006 was her 30th birthday; she received a Mini cooper as a gift. She didn’t like such a small car, but Bob thought it matched her well. She left home earlier that day to his office to pick him for their dinner. The time she reached was thirty minutes earlier than they appointed. Bob’s assistant told her that Bob was in a meeting which would take another thirty minutes to finish. Lily said she would be happy to wait in Bob’s office.

During the waiting, for the first time in Lily’s life, she felt Bob’s office was alien to her. Some raffish painting hung on the wall. Everything was covered by leather, showing the owner’s taste and success. Even the coffer was in black leather too. Lily looked at her watch, just 5 minutes passed. “What would be the cipher of the coffer?” she asked herself and input her mother in law’s birthday unconsciously. “Di-Di-Da…” the coffer opened. “Gee, what a simple cipher!” she laughed and thought she might put a note in there to make a joke to Bob. A silk velvet box drew her attention; there was even a pink bowknot on it. “It must be my birthday gift too. He wanted to give me a surprise during the dinner. Then I shouldn’t see it.” Lily tried to hold her desire not to open it.

“What in there? Anyway, I won't let him know that I opened it.” Lily just couldn’t help to see her gift. She opened it, a dozen of pictures falling down from the box. She felt a faint after seeing the picture: there was Bob on every picture, naked, accompanied by different women. Behind the picture, Bob clearly recorded each romance: how it happened; where did they meet; what was the position of girl. Lily looked some of them and found there were all kinds of women: air hostess, nurse, teacher, bar tender… Suddenly the tears burst into her eyes. She put everything back and sat in the couch biting her lips so she won’t make any noise.
“What shall I do with this bastard?” Lily tried to calm down, “I certainly don't want to device and dispute with a lawyer on the court even he had the affairs…” wiped her tears, she put some make up.
“Honey, look at you! My dearest Chinese droll is thirty today. But don’t worry, no one can figure it. You are still the same innocent girl like before. You know what, that’s why I love you so much.” Bob came into the office cheerfully, and gave a big kiss on Lily’s check.
“Let’s go, honey, I’d like you to sit in my new car. I love it so much. It’s the best birthday gift ever…”
Two months later, after the first snow fall, Lily changed the door of their garage. “Now, I don’t have to worry my Mini to be frozen,” said Lily.
“Yes, honey, It’s totally sealed like a aircraft.”
Christmas passed, then the New Year, then followed by their 10th anniversary

“We must go and celebrate it. You don’t even spend the new year with me,” complained Lily hanging her arms on Bob’s neck.
“Sure, honey, whatever you want.”
“I’ll pick you then from the office.”
“No problem, I have a meeting this afternoon, but I’ll leave in time.”
“That’s perfect, honey.”
Thirty minutes before their appointed time, Lily reached his office and took the silk velvet box from his coffer.
They went to the restaurant, and the club and the bar.
The next morning, Lily was shaken by her part time maid. She told Lily that she found Bob in the garage in coma and called the police, “You must forget to unlock the car,” she cried, “You don't know how badly it smelled, the tail-gas. How drunken you are! Lucky you didn't stay in the car…”

The police approved the death of Bob to Lily also the insurance company. Lily sold their house in Quebec and moved to China with a great amount of compensation from the insurance company.

†Μά¢ķ≈ Perez said...

One morning, while I was drinking my coffee, looking at the sky and smoking my cigarette, I suddenly plunged into my subconscious mind. I imagined that I was a fetus inside an egg. It was pitch black inside-I could not even see myself- and it was wet, too. From the inside, I could hear the chirping of birds; it was an unpleasant sound, far from being a music, more like they were afraid of something. My senses did not seem to be limited. I could feel the warmth of the egg, I assumed that it was the warnth of the sun that I was feeling. It was followed, in a few seconds, by a series of droplets; it might be raining outside. I could hear the water pouring on the surface of the eggshell,
like raindrops falling thousands of feet from the sky, rattling on a tin roof- It was loud. But not too long, it stopped. I could also hear the howling of the wind. It seemed that it was a strong, destructive wind. I felt fear. Suddenly, the picture the world-getting annihilated by the God- came into my mind, the Revelation had arrived. It was starting to get confusing- everything wasn’t making any sense at all.

In the middle of my confusion, I heard thwack. A little ray of light penetrated between a thin crack right above my head. Another crack appeared, more light entered the egg as well. All of a sudden, I found my self standing in a birds nest, on top a of tall tree. I looked around, and was shocked on what I saw. The forest I was in was burning. The warmth of the sun- which I thought it was- was in fact the heat coming from almost charcoaled trees. The raindrops were actually water coming from the Firefighter’s hoses- trying to put out the fires. And the strong powerful wind? It was huge à cloud of smoke that hovers in all directions,- like an aimless swirling tornado- being blown by helicopter rotor. I was terrified with the sight I was looking at. It wasn’t the Revelation, but it could also mean Death. I felt my blood surging furiously inside my body- I felt the need to be alive. I was born and was faced with my demise at the same day!

From nowhere, an immense bird flew in the midst of the chaos and laid on my nest. I asked the bird who it was, and told me that she was my Mother. Ok now, where on earth have you been? I thought to my self . I asked her if she could carry me with her beak and put me somewhere else, somewhere safe. She refused. She told me that I had to survive by myself and that I should be able to protect myself in any kind consequence I get into. I asked her to teach me how to fly. She looked at me strangely, strange enough to make me repeat what request.

“Teach me how to fly!” I shouted with all my might, using my little lungs- I was bothered on how cruel my mother was.

"Look at yourself" she replied.

I followed what she said, and not in my surprise- but honestly I almost forgot that I just came out from an egg- I saw my featherless little wings. I spread it to its fullest and tried to flap it- you guess it right, it was of no use. She looked at me in the eye , and I, as well, looked at her. Then , she told me, in a lovely and sincere voice, "Live my son, for you have the to whole world to soar. There are millions of things in this world that you must see. Do not let you fear control you. You may not have useful wings, but, still, you have your feet." After that, she flew away, without looking back. In an instant, I was, again, all by myself, dismayed in a lonesome nest- featherless.

The fire continued to grow, faster and faster. Most part of the forest was already engulfed by flames- no one was able to stop it. Soon, the fire will reach me, I thought to myself. I need a plan; I had to escape. I recalled the words of my Mother and it gave me a speck of courage. The next thing I know, I was at the edge of the nest, looking down and was ready to jump. It was high. Hitting the ground directly was impossible- it would be suicide. I thought of hopping from one branch to another, and try to flap my bare naked wings and hoped that it would workout just fine.

I did exactly just that. I was fighting for my survival at a very young age. Without having anyone to guide me, or anyone to catch me whenever I fall. At a very young age, I learned how to survive without anyone teaching me.

I reach the forest ground safely but the horror was not over; I was in hell! Everything was on flame. I look for an escape route and had a glimpse of a sprinkling water. I ran towards it fast as I could. I did not put my eyes away from the water, I saw it like it was the finish line of a marathon- reaching it means success. The flames were touching my virgin body, but it did not matter; I was burning as well-with the will to live as my fuel.

After few minutes of running,- which felt like I was running for days- I reached a river. I was severely injured. My skin was burnt; I was bleeding. I collapsed by the river bank, and just before I lost my consciousness, the Mother, again, appeared before me.

"My son I am proud of you," she said. "You had lived your life."

But it was full of suffering and pain. I thought to myself.

And by reading my mind,- a Mother always knows- she said, "Yes my son, that is life, and you had suffered enough so you I grant you happiness for the rest of your stay here on earth. Anything that would come your way would not be a problem for you, because you had already been face to face with death. You beat him; you could have simply accepted him, but you chose to fight. You won.

I was lying on the riverbank and looking at the burning sky. The sun was drifting away into the far west and giving its final glory for the day. Before it hides behind the mountains of the valley, its light shone into the face of the Mother. I saw a blurry image of her, but it was like putting figures on a shadow to describe what I saw.

My cigarette had already stop burning. My coffee- which had already gone cold- spilled on me. And lo,the time on the clock; I was late for work.

†Μά¢ķ≈ Perez said...

Hi Brad, I'm sorry if my story is little weird or anything like that.
I couldnt think of any. Id try to post another one. Please have a read and comment. Thank you.

†Μά¢ķ≈ Perez said...

"The Unsung Heroes"

It was a cloudy afternoon in the Downtown area. Dry leaves were hovering all over the streets while the naked trees were swaying along with every swirl of the wind. The air was very humid,- a warning that rain is just around the corner. People were walking with their hands holding tightly to their coats and wishing that soon they’d be home and would be drinking a hot chocolate in front of their fire place. The night was still young, but because of the freezing weather, the streets were almost empty.

At 59th avenue, Mikhail, with his backpack and his guitar, was on his way to Mitch’s house when he heard someone screaming for help. He looked around him and tried to find the place where the voice was coming from. It was hard for him to locate it because the voice had begun to fade away. But he continued looking, until he reached a back alley. From afar, he saw a leg of a person lying on the ground- it wasn’t moving. The lower-body was the only visible part because the rest was behind a big dumpster. Slowly, Mikhail walk towards dumpster. A lot of things entered his mind while he was slowly approaching the body. What if he’s dead? Should I call the Police now? What if he has a gun and shoot me for mistaking me as an enemy? But the rain which suddenly started falling washed his thoughts away. He ran towards it and saw a white-haired old man, with his eyes looking directly to sky and holding the left side of his chest.

Mikhail took a first aide course when he was in high school. He held the old man’s wrist and felt a sign of life. He immediately pulled his cell phone from his pocket and dialled 911.

“I need an ambulance here in a back alley at 59th avenue,” he said with a hint of panic in his voice.” An old guy was mugged an he’s lying unconscious on the ground, what should I do?”

“Just stay with him and an ambulance will arrive in few minutes” The operator replied.

Mikhail hung-up at once. He was starting to get really wet because the rain was pouring harder and harder. But it didn’t matter to him. There was a dying person in front of him, and saving him is the only thing that matters to him at that moment.

He put his guitar and his backpack in a roofed pavement and tried to lift the person up. The old man had a was pretty big and was also tall, in other words, he was too heavy to be lifted by Mikhail. Mikhail looked for help and easily found one. Someone was walking towards them so Mikhail simply shouted at the person for help.

“ Help! I need help!” He shouted

The person heard Mikhail’s call and immediately came over.” What happened? “ The lady asked.

“ I found this man unconscious. We need to put him in a cover until the ambulance

“Did you call them already?”

“Of course I did! Just help me, please.”

Mikhail took off his coat and put it on top of the man. He then, put his hands in the old man’s armpits and told the lady to try and lift by the legs. They look at each other and counted one to three by nodding their heads and lifted the old man at ones. They didn’t succeed. They only moved him a few inches. But, they did it again, and again and again until they had finally placed him in a dry pavement. They were sweating in a freezing cold- their tongues were hanging like the thirsty dog’s.

“When did you call the hotline?” She asked while still trying to catch her breath.

“A few minutes ago, they’d be here at any moment now,” Mikhail answered.

“ Maybe we should call them again?”

“ I told you I did already!”

Wang! Wang ! Wang! The sound of rescue echoed. The ambulance had arrived. Two men rapidly came out from the door at back of the ambulance with a mask , a gas tank, and a stretcher and immediately placed the old man at the stretcher and into the ambulance.

“Hop in!” Shouted the rescuer.

Mikhail grabbed his belongings, held the lady’s hand and assisted her to get in to the ambulance.

“Is he going to be fine?” She asked.

“ We don’t know yet,” the Rescuer replied.” He has a regular heartbeat, but that’s not all that we should know. We should get him into the hospital as soon as possible. He needs to be seen by a doctor.”

The ambulance was flying with the wind. It didn’t stop running. It was like a car-speed- maniac was driving the vehicle. About ten minutes later, the roller coaster ride came into a halt. They reached the hospital. The rescuers did everything so fast like they had done the task hundreds of times before. In a blink of an eye, the old man was already inside the hospital getting looked at by doctors and nurses.

The lady and Mikhail sat at the benches and waited. Then, a Policewoman came over to them and asked them some questions. She asked how they found victim and how did they know that he was mugged. Mikhail got irritated by the question because despite of all the efforts he had done to save the man, he was still considered a suspect. He told the Policewoman that he assumed that the old man was mugged because the his wallet was found beside him and there was not a single dollar inside and credit cards were scattered on the ground. After asking a series of more questions, the Policewoman told them they had to wait little more were not allowed to leave the area.

About three hours later, the Policewoman came back and told them that the patient had survived and had also confirmed that they were innocent of the crime because the victim saw the culprits face and claimed that he was mugged by a white guy, wearing a formal attire and spoke fluent English ,-Mikhail was brown,- he grew up in the Middle East- wasn‘t wearing a formal clothing and wasn‘t fluent in English.

“He wants to see both of you,” the Policewoman said.

“ Can we go later?” Mikhail replied.” I’m starving.”

“ I am hungry as well,” the lady added.

“Do you guys know whose life you just saved? You can’t make him wait for you for too long.”

“I don’t care who he is, I saved him and now I am hungry. We’ll check him out later.”
Mikhail replied to the Policewoman with authority.

The hero, Mikhail walked out of the hospital with the heroine. They ate together, chat for a while, got tired and went their separate ways.

†Μά¢ķ≈ Perez said...

HI Brad,

It's Marc again, i just posted a new short story. Please have a read and comment. Please let me know what you think of it and advice me on things that I should change..I appreciate it.Thank you :D

Brad (teacher) said...

Marc, We were doing a feedback session in class on Thursday. I hope you can attend to participate this way. I have not yet commented in detail on any story. What I will do is post your second story to the Writeboard (password is writing12) and invite comments from all of us. Hope to see you in class!

Catherine said...

A Woman’ Story

It was a warm afternoon; maples around Byrne Creek were still flowery. The leaves were red and golden mixed with green, the trunks and branches, as black as Chinese ink. Some leaves left the trees, felt on the grass, and made many pieces of soft and colorful carpet for the ground.

“Am I living in a painting?” Susan admired.

A man took pictures under the trees for a woman along the road; their kids picked up the leaves, played and piled like playing snow in the winter. When a leashed dog passed by, he watched the kids, wagged his tail, asked for a stop—he might want to play, too.

“Everybody looks happy here,” with a sigh, Susan lay on a rocking chair on her balcony.

As women of thirty, her black hair was still silky, her face, fair, and her waist, fine. She looked much younger—her neighbor Tom thought she was only twenty years old! The first time they met was at a coffee night, a monthly party in the lounge for residents of their building.

“Ha, what a sweet flatter,” she smiled.

She looked to the south. The snow-cap of Mountain Baker seemed not that far away. Under the blue sky, above Fraser River, an eagle was circling quietly without any movement of its huge wings, like a kite floating in the air.

“I love this place! I’ll persuade him to come here as soon as possible.” she was thinking of her husband—a thirty-five years old man with bright eyes and white teeth.

They were classmates in QingHua University, the best one in China. Ten years ago, they together established an auto parts factory and it brought them plenty of money. Latterly, many people immigrated to Canada; they, too. It only coat 120,000 Canadian dollars, a piece of cake, for them, anyway.

“You go first and I’ll join you later. We’ll travel the whole continent of the North America.” he promised three months ago.

At the first, he called her every day, sometimes two times a day, later, every other day, and recently, once a week.

“What’s wrong with him?” she felt a little bit uncomfortable sometimes, “Is he having an affair?”

“Who wants me? For what?” once he laughed, “I am not handsome and I don’t have money! Our properties, savings, and stocks were all under your name except this apartment I live in! Who wants me, you think?”

Yes, she knew. She shouldn’t worry too much! He loved her, and especially, he looked on her not only as his wife, but also his partner, his boss actually. Without Susan, he must still be a poor pitiful office clerk.

Inside the room, the TV set kept talking about the economic crisis. Today, Washington Mutual announced that they went bankrupt!

“I can’t believe that! It was the biggest mutual bank in U.S.A!”

The question was how this economic crisis would affect China and her own business in the future?

“He must have a lot of pressure by now and that’s why he didn’t call me often like he used to.” she stepped inside.


Her brand new 3G iphone on the coffee table rang.

“It’s him!” she picked it up.

“Oh, no, it’s not him.”

It was Tom. He lived alone with Teddy Bear, a 3 years old dog, in this building since he divorced. He knew she was a new comer, so he always spoke slowly and clearly when he talked with her.

“Hi, Susan! It’s me. How are you?”

“I’m fine, thank you. And you?”

“I’m great! It is a gorgeous day today, isn’t it?” as a descendant of Denmark, he seemed always cheerful.

“I’m going to walk Teddy along the creek. Would you like to join us?”

“Er, I’d like to, um, but ...”

Usually, she really enjoyed to take a walk with them if she had nothing to do, but right now she was in a mood.

“What’s up?”

“Nothing. I guess I’m homesick.”

“Why don’t you buy a ticket and go home then?”

Yeah, why not?

Yesterday, when she was cooking, a feeling of frustration suddenly seized her, and she couldn’t help to throw away everything on the floor—the knife, the pot, and the plates. She wanted to go home! She wanted to see her husband!

“Go home, right now!” she decided.

It was a long flight. A baby boy in front of her seat cried again and again; he had cried off and on since the plane took off from Vancouver 13 hours ago.

“I’ll choke him to death!” she swore, many times.

When she finally got on a taxi at Beijing airport, she still felt angry.

It was dark.

She wanted badly to go home, take a shower, and have a rest! She hadn’t slept for more than 20 hours! But they couldn’t move faster—the streets in the centre of the city were choked up with traffic.

“Why still so many cars here? The TV said that the government cut of half of cars from the roads since the beginning of 2008 Olympic.”

“Many people got lung cancer.” the driver complained.

He didn’t turn on the headlight because he didn’t have to—the street lights were bright, much brighter than Vancouver’s. She could see clearly that the Water Cube, the Nest, and the endless high-rises were all involved in the dust and smoke.

“I wish I would never come back.”

Her home was at ChaoYang Square, a high class residential area. Many CEOs of foreign firms lived in here.

She stepped out the elevator, stood at the door in front of her unit, and heard of the sound of TV inside the room.

Her heartbeat became faster, “I’ll give him a big surprise!”

She found out the key in her purse to open the door, but the key didn’t work!

“What’s the problem?” she felt a little bit dizzy.

“Did he change the lock?” she knocked on the door.

No response.

“Is he taking a shower? But I’ve heard of the sound of pace just now!

“What the hell is going on?” she knocked the again.

Still, no response.

“Chen Dong, open the door!” she shouted his name, “I hear you!”

“Would you want every one to hear of that?” she started to kick the door.

Her husband opened the door and walked out.

“What’s wrong with you? Why did you change the lock?”

Without any word, he suddenly caught hold of her shoulder with his left hand and pressed her head into his chest with his right hand. And at the same time, a person ran away from the living room behind her. She couldn’t turn her head and have a look—her husband held her so tight that she couldn’t breath.

“Stop it! Let me go!” Susan shouted, cried, and scratched on his face. Several red Chinese characters 川 appeared on his face.

“Who is she?”

He closed the door, dragged her inside, and put her into the sofa.

“Tell me, who is she?”

He bit his lip and said nothing.

“How dare you!” she shivered, “If you don’t tell me the truth, I’ll kill you! I swear! You believe that?”

“Don’t! Please! Susan. Please forgive me, please! It’s my fault! I’m sorry!” he knelt down at her feet and tried to give her a hug.

“Don’t touch me! Leave me alone!”

He stood up, went outside to take her small suitcase in, and paced in front of her,

“She’s Lily.”

“What? Who? Lily?”

Lily was an accountant of their factory—a small and skinny woman!

“I can’t believe that! How can you have an affair with a woman like that, a hag?”

He knelt down again.

“Bitch! You two made me sick!”

“It’s nothing, Susan, really. I love you! I always love you! Yes, she’s nothing but a bitch. It just like…”

“Like that when I was hungry, I happened passing by a restaurant, and I entered, ate, and left. That’s all! Even I couldn’t remember its name the next day! You understand?”

“Stop it! Enough!” she pushed his head away from her lap, looked at his eyes, dizzying—she wanted to throw up.

She stood up, and took her suitcase and purse, and went to the outside.

He tried to stop her but she slammed the door and left. She didn’t want to see his face, again, never!

Four weeks later, she flight to Vancouver and Tom waited for her at the airport.

“I divorced him.”

“Oh, really? What’s happened?”

“It was just a banal and boring story, and I just never thought it would happen on Me.” she murmured, gazing the maples along the road—they were still flowery, and more familiar.

First draft -1450 words