Following the two examples, "The Thief" and "Paula," write your own examples to demonstrate the two traits: easygoing and selfish.
Maximum word count per example is 75 words. Minimum number of paragraphs is three. Use dialogue at least once. Remember to write using verbs and nouns. Try not to use adjectives or adverbs unless necessary. Use at least one kind of zeugma.
DUE on Tuesday night!
Comments to other students' writing should be done by Wednesday night.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
21 comments:
A Real Estate Agent
These people were never residents of the apartments in Discovery Place.
Nevertheless, they exercised in the gym and swimming pool, enjoying relaxation in the sauna and Jacuzzi.
Toilet paper was thrown around and hot water used up.
“You live in Place I or II?” someone asked.
“We have friend in this building,” they answered.
“Who is your friend?”
“Ms. Sandy, a real estate agent, she gave us keys.”
72 words
The Sleeper
The man pretended to sleep on the sky train.
"your ticket, please." A policeman asked.
No response.
The policeman shook him.
He opened his eyes,stared at him and asked:"what?"
"Your ticket!"the policeman insisted.
He rummaged his pockets, his bags and eventually showed his ticket.
"This is one zone ticket;you've run across three zones!"
"I fell in sleep...and I... "
"The matter in hand is...Would you mind come off with me?..."
Ron
Ron was working at the edge of the roof when his foreman approached him.
“You should wear safety gears!”He shouted.
“Those ropes tangled my feet. Beside, my belly is too fat to rap around this belt.”
“Just do it!”
Ron took the belt, things from his pocket, left them beside lunch bag.
At lunch time, he found lunch was eaten by claws and his wallet was gone.
“Somebody needs those things more than I do.” He laughed.
First draft- 78words
Jeff
They were knocked off the mountain road when a lose rock hit them.
Jeff grabbed a small tree on the cliff; Jack, Jeff’s leg.
“Hang on Jack, it only one yard to the top.”
Instead, Jeff started shake off Jack by moving his leg.
Poor Jack couldn’t hang on and he fall down to the ground.
Jeff made final attempt to reach the road when the tree’s roots came off from the cliff.
First draft- 73words
Shopping
Joanne has a driver license but she never drives. She was looking for help.
“Hi! Monica, I have heard you,” she introduced herself.
“Can we go shopping?”
“Sure.”
Monica’s cart collapsed because it was overloaded with their groceries.
“Hei! We have spent six hours. I have an exam tomorrow,” Monica urged. Joanne ignored her complaints because she couldn’t stop talking with others.
“Never again,” Monica muttered.
71 words
A cocktail party in Pauline’s ocean-view house. Peter, in a red Polo T-shirt, was chatting with Pauline.
A black tie jumped into the conversation: “Jesus, Pauline, you are our Goddess!” he surfed his eyes to Peter, “Wait a minute, who is this golf guy?”
Pauline turned red.
“Peter. Glad to meet you!” Peter extended his hand to Black Tie, “Take care of our Goddess! Have to escape biting something… Talk to you later, guys!”
Finger-foods were distributed in a mayor party in Marseille. A lady, in her very last Channel dress, was tiptoeing with a purse.
Chatting and smiling, her eyes flied to a plate of sausage rolls on the table. “Excuse-moi! I feel dazzle, need to hold that table.” She rushed to the table, grabbed two sausage rolls, and screwed them into the month.
She looked left and right, held the plate, and let pinky guys glide skillfully down a plastic bag in her Channel purse.
83 words
Paul
Moving fast around the office, she hit the disc, and spoiled coffee on Paul’s papers.
He had been working for several hours to prepare them for the conference which was in an hour.
She stopped dead. How to fix the mess?
Paul, the fat guy of the office, came from behind her, and saw his papers all wet and brown.
Smiling as usual, he said, “Don‘t worry, I‘ll try to manage,” but everybody knew, that was impossible.
(77 words)
The accident
She blinked when the sunshine hit her eyes. For few seconds she drove blind.
A sharp scratching sound stung her hearing.
She braked gradually, pulled over, and stopped. The other driver got out from the car behind. Their cars looked like mural paintings.
“Look what you done!” he shouted red as Santa’s costume.
“Yes, I’m sorry.” “Here are my information, in my business card”.
After they change the information, she left.
“Oh, well.” she added for herself.
Hi Suzanne
I like your story, but you miss the zeugma. What do you think about:
"Her car crumple, tumble, and collapsed under their groceries."?
She enters into Horizon, the best buffet in the city. Looking around the room, she goes to a table near the window, puts the “reserved” label to another table, and sits down.
“Excuse me, this table is reserved,” the waitress tells her.
“ I like this table, and I come early” she answered.
She seems to ignore the waitress, then she stands up, takes a plate, and rush to catch food.
“I’m sorry ,Sir, that lady…,could you change to that window table?” the waitress asks.
“Doesn’t matter, I can change”
He smiles at the waitress, the lady, and his clients. The table has not been set, and the gentlman stands to wait.
“Don’t hurry, I have time,” still smiles.
He explains to his clients and doesn’t complain.
Hi Suzanne
Do you mean they are easygoing people?
Then I would eliminate “Toilet paper was thrown around and hot water used up.”
For me, easygoing people are humorous, or loveable rather than being hated.
How about these change?
“Toilet facility is used every morning just like they were in a hotel.”
Just my suggestion .
Hi Masaru,
I like your examples. I think in your second example you are talking about a construction worker, he really seems an easygoing guy because working hard and being left without lunch is pretty annoying.
I would suggest a small change in your third paragraph: “ Ron took the belt, things from his pocket, and left them beside his lunch bag.”
“Could you please stand up, and leave the seat for that elderly lady,” I told my friend when I saw the weak lady in the bus was holding tight with her both hands to not fall down.
Talking on her cell phone, she made a face, and said, “I don‘t care.”
(48 words)
Max,
Is Horizon a good restaurant in Burnaby Mountain.
This is a quite common example of Selfish. However, it happens everyday in China - in some fast-food restaurants.
Hi Zarghoona
Was “I” standing up or sitting beside her friend?
Anyway, if you add another sentence it will make two selfish people for a laugh.
“I don’t care.”
So, I had to stand up to give the old lady my seat.
13words added
Hi! Masaru, thank you for your comment. My title is "a real estate agent" who is an easygoing person, but it's a sarcastic one.
In your story,Jeff, which talked about a "lose" rock, I think it is a "loose" rock, right?
The last sentence, Jeff made final attempt to reach the road when the tree's root came off from the cliff. I think you need a conclusion. If you write:
Jeff made final effort to reach the road before the tree's roots broke off from the cliff, you don't need a conclusion.
The other story,Ron, the sentence "my belly is too fat to rap around this belt." I think " this belt is too short to wrap around my fat belly" will be better, because a fat belly can't wrap a belt.
Sorry, one more, "left them beside lunch bag.At lunch time, he found lunch was eaten by claws and his wallet was gone." There are too many repeat on "lunch". You can use "Later" instead of "At lunch
time" and he found "his food" eaten by "crows" and his wallet gone.
Zarghoona,
Brad taught us to cut as much guts as possible before you came to this class.
The first sentence in your article, "Could you please stand up, and leave the seat for that eldly lady," I told my friend when I saw the weak lady in the bus was holding tight with her both hands to not fall down."
Would you mind I rewrite it? It cut 1/3 of the sentence.
"Could you please leave the seat for that lady?" I asked my friend when the weak elder was holding a bar tightly in the wobbling bus.
Emilla,
Thank you for mentioning me about zeugma.
Your article, The Accident, She blinked when the "sunshine hit" her eyes.----when the sunshone in her eyes.
How can the other driver got out from the car behind? Is the lady hit the car behind her.
After they "change the information,"----After they exchanged the document.
"Oh,well." she added for herself. How about to write with:"Oh, well, it's not my day," she consoled herself.
Hi! Zarghoona,
"Moving" fast around the office, she hit the "disc," and "spoiled" coffe.----Walking fast, hit the desk, spilled coffe.
working for several hours "to prepar them" for the conference.----working several hours preparing for the conference.
I'll "try to" manage---I'll manage.
Helena,
"Channel" dress-----Chanel
"mayor" party----mayor's party
her eyes "flied" to a plate----"spied" to a plate
feel "dazzle"----feel dizzy
"screwed" them into the "month"----stuffed them into the mouth
Post a Comment