Stacey's edit of Tatyana's piece is a good example of editing for readability and style. This is normal in the editing process: many writers are good fact finders and excellent with a pithy quote but may not be masters of grammar (nor am I, in fact). Editors edit as much or more than was done on the "Submarine" piece.
In that spirit, as Stacey has done, please sign up to edit a piece that we plan to publish . Be sure the piece matters to you in some way. Try not to alter it so much that the original writer's voice is lost.
Here's a story that bears reading: Record High Temperatures in Europe in April at The New York Times. We've been blessed with relatively moderate weather this spring (excepting a few fierce rainstorms) but it is not hard to remember what happened last winter! Here's another, just posted today: The rich world's policy on greenhouse gas now seems clear: millions will die
Have a look around at what's in the news on climate change/global warming and share any other sources you find on the Web (here at this post). Time to practice some persuasive writing (editorial)!
See you all Thursday. BTW, I jumped the gun a bit and published Yi and Hao's pieces. Also Harjit's Hybrid Cars and Suzanne's Yoga pieces. Remember to vote asap and thanks to Ben and Natalia and Hiromi for weighing in . . .
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4 comments:
I’ll be going to hell with you.
Canada is a multicultural country. People of varied religious denominations live here. It’s wonderful that we have the freedom to choose what to believe or not believe. This is the story of what happened to me at work one day.
During meal time, in the break room at work a co-worker asked me if I had any religious beliefs. Did I believe in God? She asked. I informed her I had been raised in a household without any religious beliefs. I had been taught evolution as opposed to creation. I believe humans evolved from apes. I believe there is no spiritual life after death. My co-worker was shocked. She told me I should believe in God or my spiritual world would be empty.
For the entire break she sat with me, recommending books for me to read about God. Eventually she grew disheartened by my silence and became angry. She told me that not believing in God was the gravest sin in the bible. She said people who don’t believe in God go to hell after death. Naturally the conversation had me upset for the rest of my shift.
I discussed the episode with my husband, at home, later. He laughed good naturedly, saying “Don’t worry Dear; you forget I share your beliefs.” “I’ll be going to hell with you.”
Well, this is one of my votes for the paper. Tell me what you think.
Hey Stacey,
I wanted to tell you in person that your submarine edit was excellent, and take care of your toe!
I haven't read above yet and will later.
I edited two pieces.
WHAT ARE THEY?
When I lived in North Burnaby in 2003, Bill and Ann were my neighbors. Bill was a kind and quiet man and his wife, Ann, was an excellent cook. Her delicious cookies always impressed me.
When Chinese Mid-Autumn festival came along, I gave a box of green bean cakes to Bill and told that these were very popular Mid-Autumn festival snacks in Taiwan. Four days later, I was invited to their home and found that the box of green bean cakes remained untouched. I asked her why.
Astonished, she replied, “What? Are they snacks?”
“Of course, didn’t Bill tell you that?”
“No. He just said that these were from you. I thought they were Chinese face soap because there is no English information on them," she said.
When I heard it, the picture of Ann washing her face with the crispy green cake appeared in my mind.
I never dreamed that green bean cakes could be mistaken for soap. I learned that the clear communication was very important.
Learning from Mice — Giving Myself Confidence
Mice often scare me. I usually run away screaming when I see a mouse. I shout and stamp my feet to avoid seeing mice.
I scare mice too. Mice run away as fast as they can when I approach them. Mice never dare to stay around me.
When we meet each other, the scene would like this: mice and I run away in opposite direction with panic.
However, mice will never know they scare me, and they never understand my yelling. Suppose that one day mice figure out I am scared of them. Then, what would happen? They will run after me.
Sometimes I am a “mouse”. When I meet someone who is bigger and stronger than me, I usually give up before the competition, because I don’t have enough confidence to beat them. However, learning from mice, I also know that they might think I am the threat.
But, there’s a thing. I need to make sure that the one I meet is a “mouse” not a “tiger”, or I will definitely “die”!
And I also would like to edit Olivia's dentist piece it she doesn't mind.
(But hey, you also can say, "That's not what I want to say!" Right, Olivia?)
A Noble Doctor [?]
One of my teeth has been bugging me quit a lot lately. I don’t like seeing my dentist, but now I had to. The appointment is a big problem—he’s never been on time—and today was worse. An hour and fifteen minutes later, my dentist showed up with a grin.
“Hi Olivia, how are you doing today? I’ll be with you in a minute,” he said.
How long is your one minute? I’ve been here for 75 minutes!
He kept on checking his stylish watch. What’s that supposed to mean? Is it a joke? Don’t be.
Listen, Noble Doctor! If you don’t know how to count, let me tell you one minute is 60 seconds, period. You are a highly educated professional and must know that time is precious. I was crying in my heart. But all I could do was waiting—and more waiting. I was late for picking my sister up from the airport. Damn you and the clinic!
Wait. I'll add "For that reason" in front of "I was late for . . ."
So: For that reason, I was late for picking up my sister from the airport.
And I also tried the edit of “religious” piece. I thought it's interesting to see the difference of two versions.
One day, on my break time, a co-worker asked me if I had a religion. I said no. She was quite shocked. I told her that I grew up in a family without any religious beliefs and was taught at school that human beings were evolved from apes. I also mentioned there would be no spirit after death. She was more shocked. She told me that I should believe in God, or my spiritual world would be empty. During the entire break, she suggested me to read books about God. Eventually, she became very disappointed by my silence and said, “Not believing in God is the biggest sin in the bible. People who don’t believe in God will go to hell after they die.”
I was pretty upset after the conversation. Later I told my husband what had happened. He laughed and said, “Don’t worry, dear, you forgot I was same as you, so we’ll go to hell together.”
I thought the first paragraph was unnecessary so took it out.
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