Please check the links below as at least two students posted revisions this evening.
Vote by the student name (there are two Cynthias btw). No need to say why. I assume that Yi's recipe for cheesecake, the piano tuner article, the article on the Hollywood Bowl are publishable. All others are up to you!
Articles by English 12 Students (Revisions)
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15 comments:
Hi, the followings are the comments from my classmates on Zahara’s article.
A. The idea is good and interesting especially for the Canadians. It looks fun;it clearly shows the culture difference between Canadian and her country.
B. Her article has one central idea. It is understandable.
D. Her article can satisfy the readers, but the sentences need to be concise and refined.
Does anyone(Writig 12) have more comments for her article?
*Ah—Sorry Yi that I wrote, “how can I pronounce her name?”
Because your article was a cake recipe, I thought the writer must be she.
I have to be careful…
By the way, Stacy recommended that you need to change the word, “lover,” because it doesn’t mean a boyfriend or a girlfriend. (I didn’t know that, too.)
Today, I enjoyed the class discussion about the students’ articles and the culture differences between Canada and China. Thanks Stacy, Catherine and Helen. I’m really interested in your experience and opinions.
Have a nice weekend.
Hi Yang,
I like your story and your husband’s humor! I have many similar experiences, so I understand what you are talking about.
In my opinion, non-religion is a kind of religion.
Religion its self is not a problem; the problem is our human self. Ignorance is not a problem; the problem is our insolence and rudeness.
I also like the title; it is very attractive. I like it!
Hi Olivia,
Your story is excellent, but it will be better if you would like to delete the first and the last paragraph.
Hi Hao,
Are you a tuner? (I’m kidding.)
I like your idea very much! You give us a bran-new point of view to think about a tuner.
Hi Michelle,
Thanks for your interesting story. I was touched by a scene of TV program that shows how a small mother mouse tried her best to save her babies from a flood. She is a real mother.
Hi Valentina,
“OK” is so simple that I’ve never thought about its derivation before. Your article is very interesting.
Hi All.
Could someone post the newer writing about the Russian submarines for me? I gave my edited copy back to Helen. I feel with a minimal amount of editing that it would be a perfect addition to the paper.
Hi Brad.
Wondering if you thought what I had written about Virginia Tech was suitable for the paper? See you Thursday.
Stacey,
Your article on VT is published!
The article by Tatyana is linked to the Grade 11 revisions here at this post.
Hi Brad.
The handouts we edited last Thursday were revisions. Tatyana's newer version is not here.
Stacey,
I compared the version originally posted and the version at this post and Tatyana did post a revision to her original. She's an English 11 student and I can see her article at this post. Perhaps something happened in class that I cannot deal with as I wasn't there?
Russian submarines, built in Vancouver.
I’m reasonably sure very few residents of Vancouver are aware of the following; in 1914, during WWI, submarines destined for Russia were being assembled right here in Vancouver. It was a top secret project. The famous James Paterson formed “The British Pacific Construction and Engineering Company” and rented 250 meters of water front property at Barnet to begin assembly of 5 Russian submarines.
The property was enormous, protected by tall wire fences and patrolled constantly. On that site 460 men worked in crews, 24 hours a day. The Canadian government was not informed of the plans. The contract called for construction of 5 steel hulls. The American Electric Boat Company delivered by rail all necessary materials. The submarines were 46 meters long and 5 meters wide. Each had 300 horse power electric motors.
By March 1916 all 5 hulls and engine parts had been constructed. The parts were dismantled and shipped in crates to Vladivostok City, Russia. The mysterious construction site at Barnet was dismantled and the crews quietly walked out of the site and into British Columbian History.
Hi Brad.
I've edited Tatyana's piece. I think many people will be interested in this. Tatyana, if you're reading this, writing is a developing thing. No matter how good we think a piece is, it's not done and not as good as it could be. Revision is not such a bad thing and usually leads to better grades.
I vote for publishing:
1. Michelle’s “Learning from mice”
2. Valentina’s “A tricky expression”
3. Tatiana’s “Submarine”
4. Young In Park’s “Terrible experience”
5. RuthZ “Hollywood Bowl”
6. Yang’s “Go to hell together”
7. Yi “Sweets for Sweetheart”
8. “Tuning the soul”
9. Joy’s “What is this?”
I vote for Michelle, Hao, Joy, Yang, and Tatiana for now.
I like Stacey’s revision very much. Maybe it should be “by Tatyana and Stacey”?
I like the cheese cake recipe, but I still think that corn starch, cake flour, and sugar should be measured by cups or ml (1/2 Cup, 100ml, etc) because it’s standard for baking recipes. Cream cheese is okay, ‘cause one package is 250g, so I can guess how much is 350g.
And it takes forever to melt cream cheese at room temperature. Maybe put it in a microwave?
And. . . I’d like to omit the line, “However, this won’t be a dream anymore.”
I like his enthusiasm and all, but “a dream” for cheese cake is a bit too much for me. . .(Sorry, I’m jaded! Just a personal opinion. . )
My Votes.
Tatyana's Russian submarines.
Yang's religions piece.(Needs editing)
Ruth's Hollywood bowl.
My Votes.
Hao’s Tuning the Soul
Joy’s WHAT ARE THEY?
Michelle’s Learning from Mice
Olivia’s Ranting for a Day
RuthZ’s The Hollywood Bowl
Tatyana's Vancouver and Submarines for Russia
Yang's Go to Hell Together
I vote for publishing:
1. Michelle’s “Learning from mice”
2. RuthZ “Hollywood Bowl”
3. Yi's “Sweets for Sweetheart”
4. Olivia's "Rant for a Day" (I had to vote for myself.Ha.)
Hi,
Sorry for late response.
All the articles are great and it is really hard for me to choose; but I vote for Young's article,"Go to hell," since many of us in Canada might have the similar experience and it can attract our readers.
Brad, I think I need to revise my article which I wrote for my journey.
Forbidden Paradise to Public Resort
Does recollection of special privilege leave a favorable impression on your life?
When Judy accompanied me in Taipei, we visited the former president’s mansion (Shihlinquadi). I have learned a practical lesson from this. I realized an interesting and ironic issue that the powerful prosperity only exists for a short period. Why? I will tell you why.
One of the former president’s mansions, which looked like a paradise, was a place where off limits to the public. People could only guess what it was like. After the president passed away and the power changed to the other party, his descendents could no longer keep the property. Now it became accessible to the people. It is a popular resort and a lovely place for picture taking especially for those who love nature.
The entrance to the garden path is flanked by lofty palms on both sides. The exultant feelings surged in me when I walked through. The fancy landscape includes decorated trees, various flowers, and indoor plants that are breath taking. For example, a big harp shape area has been designed to grow small trees and vines, the beautiful rose garden occupied a large space, the various exotic orchids grow in the indoor garden, and the flower arrangements display in the indoor room. This enchanting scenery overflows with people.
The garden reminded me of my childhood. I enjoyed the romantic landscape. While sitting on a bench under the big trees, Judy and I had so many recollections. Whatever I could remember made me recollect my childhood. Among the aromatic roses and the colorful butterflies, I enjoyed this atmosphere especially when the cool breeze passing along.
The ironic issue is that the forbidden place has ended after the power has gone. It belongs to the public. My recollection of this place will leave me a favorable impression. I am happy that it is now a public garden.
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