Write, using only dialogue in about 50 to 100 words to show the trait, "obnoxious." According to Merriam Webster, "disgustingly objectionable : highly offensive." According to the Wordsmyth online dictionary: "extremely unpleasant or offensive; rude."
From an article on parenting obnoxious is described as "continually arguing, whining (adults whine too!), teasing, yelling or putting others down."
Be sure to have a character to respond to the obnoxious behaviour. Although children are often accused of this, adults can be just as obnoxious. Teachers see it when students make continual and unreasonable demands or who dominate in a classroom.
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"Obnoxious" reminds me "Amanda"! (But I’m not gonna go there right now)
Here’s one inspired by her, starring a mother-in-law and a new bride.
"Honey, your soup looks delicious, but let me tell you a secret." She patted my ladle-holding hand.
"A touch of sweet basil. Jimmie didn’t tell you that he just loves it? He always has. Pass me one from the fridge, dear? Don’t have it? Oh, my."
Now she started lecturing me how to make dumplings for a soup, dear Jimmie’s favourite from childhood. I’d gotten the urge to dump a whole bottle of cayenne pepper in the soup.
Correction:
"dumplings for a soup" -> "dumplings for soup"? Soup is uncountable, isn't it?
2.
After a bite of a cookie, still warm from the oven, his tiny face frowned.
"Are these real chocolate chips, Mrs. Lewis? I mean, aren’t they a little stale? My mom always gets real chocolate chunks from Purdy’s to put in her cookies, you know. But it’s still okay. Can I have a glass of milk, please?”
And Mrs. Lewis told him, no, she was out of milk and please get the hell out.
"Obnoxious" is tougher than I thought, but still more to come.
Hey Hiromi,
Hope others are reading, too. Lotsa fun. You've bent my rules a tiny bit with the intervention of a narrator: "I'd gotten the urge . . ." Realistically, in a story you would have a narrator, especially in the omniscient pov. I like the detail, "She patted my ladle-holding hand." but that isn't dialogue.
The "dumplings for a soup" is correct. We can have two soups, of course, so countable then.
In both examples, I'd like to hear more (though I know then it'd be longer): the lecture; and have Mrs. Lewis say: "Get the hell out!!"
I'm getting the obnoxious strong and clear here. I'll have to try it myself; anyone else want to take up the challenge?
Yes, I'd like to challenge.
I know I didn't completely follow Brad's instruction but focused on
"obnoxious strong and clear."
an obnoxious customer:
"Hey, you don't speak Spanish, do you? What type of dish do you have, a Canadian Mexican? I feel like a real, spicy, Mexican food, a lot of jalapenos on the side."
A gaudy, middleaged man sneered at the young waitress.
"What a tiny restaurant it is! Listen, I own a famous, luxurious Mexican restaurant in California.
All my employees are Mexican, too,
so I never serve things like a chicken fajita or a beef burrito--ha, Texmex--that's terrible!"
"We'are very sorry for your inconvenience..." she replied timidly, "but is there anything we can do for you, sir?"
"Well...never mind, so then, let me see the menu, again."
"Aha! Guess what, that idiot will give me a big tip." She whispered to her coworker in Spanish.
Hi Brad. I'm not feeling real confident in these assignments because I missed class but I'll give it a stab.
The sun felt like silk caressing my skin. New West was abuzz with activity. Nothing could have disrupted my mood, or so I thought. The antique stores on 6th Street always draw my eye and so I was not really watching where I was walking. Crash! I've slammed into a young girl. "Watch where the hell you're going!" She's angry and snarling. "I'm sorry," "Can I help you pick up your things?" "No, you can get yourself some glasses and maybe become more aware of the other people in the world!" "Again, really, I'm so sorry, but you needn't be so rude." "It's not like I went out of my way to knock you down," Her face is right in front of mine. We are nose to nose. My adrenaline is pumping and I can feel my own anger rising. I'm also a little afraid.
Her mean mouth opens, extolling whatever anger resides. "Women like you, heh." "You're lucky I don't just kick your ass right here and now."
I know it seems unfinished but I don't know what else to write without getting them into a physical fight.
Hope I did ok.
Hi guys, I have one more.
"Look, darling!" Her eyes twinkled at a diamond ring in the glass showcase.
"This is perfect for the evening gown I’ve just got, don’t you think? Oh, honey. Of course it costs more than your car. Well, I don’t personally consider yours as a car—to tell you the truth, it pains me to sit in your Corolla. But this would comfort me. Don’t you want to make me happy? It’s a small price to pay for my sacrifice. Oh, and there’re matching earrings!"
And he said, "Whatever you say, gorgeous."
(And I say, good luck to you two!)
Hiromi,
Ah, the lives of the rich and famous!
Ha ha: "it pains me to sit in your Corolla."
He deserves her it looks like. Good luck indeed! You're getting better each time Hiromi.
Ritsuko:
I got the "sneer" in the voice, so you can omit, "A gaudy, middleaged man sneered at the young waitress."
You really think a guy like that'll tip big? Maybe . . .
Hey, I like burritos and fajitas and real Mexican too! The obnoxious customer should lighten up!
Hi Brad.
What did you think of my little story?
Stacey,
Sorry to miss your piece. I commented on the other one and then must have gone to walk my dog or some such. Overall, you’ve got the idea, but you aren’t trusting your material enough to “show” what you mean. Ritsuko was doing the same thing. Basically you tell, then show. If you do it right, we’ll get it without the telling part. Detailed comments in [ ] below:
The sun felt like silk caressing my skin. [I get a mixed up feeling from this simile; the sun and a caress and silk. Nice idea, however] New West was abuzz with activity. [usually, this is best “shown” rather than told] Nothing could have disrupted my mood, or so I thought. [This “telegraphs” the scene to come; I’d omit it] The antique stores on 6th Street always draw my eye and so I was not really watching where I was walking. [Again, just have the antiques attract your eye; why not a specific and gorgeous armoire with fine carved details . . . something like that] Crash! I've slammed into a young girl. [keep the Crash! but omit “I’ve slammed]"Watch where the hell you're going!" She's angry and snarling. [again, I know it from the words; no need to say it then] "I'm sorry," "Can I help you pick up your things?" "No, you can get yourself some glasses and maybe become more aware of the other people in the world!" "Again, really, I'm so sorry, but you needn't be so rude." "It's not like I went out of my way to knock you down," Her face is right in front of mine. We are nose to nose. [the previous few sentences work the best as the narrator disappears and the dialogue moves the idea forward] My adrenaline is pumping and I can feel my own anger rising. I'm also a little afraid.
Her mean mouth opens, extolling whatever anger resides. "Women like you, heh." "You're lucky I don't just kick your ass right here and now."
Sorry to miss your piece Stacey. I commented on the other one and then must have gone to walk my dog or some such. Overall, you’ve got the idea, but you aren’t trusting your material enough to “show” what you mean. Ritsuko was doing the same thing. Basically you tell, then show. If you do it right, we’ll get it without the telling part
Hello Brad
Thank you for your commet, and I could understand that my writing didn't satisfy you...but would you please give me more detailed explaination for me?
Thank you very much again.
Hi Ritchan, how’re you doing?
I was waiting for Brad’s respond to this, too, but, his computer has crashed down or what?
Yes, I can tell the customer is annoying and rude. But I think, maybe you are too nice to him?
You can make him more ruder, nastier. Exaggerate!
And, this is not a dictionary’s definition, but if a character has a hint of self-righteousness, it makes him more “obnoxious”, I think: nasty, annoying, rude, and self-righteous.
Remember Amanda? (sorry to mention it again, but still.) She doesn’t think she is annoying; she thinks she’s doing all the right things, and at the same time, she is entirely insensitive to other people’s feelings. So does Miss. Strangeworth. (Remember?)
The customer in the restaurant seems to know he is boasting and annoying. In fact, he is enjoying being nuisance. So, if you put some lines that indicate he thinks he is totally innocent, it would work better, I think. (I know it’s hard!)
Mmmmmm.
I've appreciated your thoughtful comment, Hiromi, and sorry for my late response.(Actually, I posted my comment in this morning; seemingly, it faild.)
Hope to see you on Thursday!
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