Here's an edit (with track changes shown) of my demonstration essay. I tightened it up quite a bit, but am still not satisfied!
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A place for Writing 12 students to read each other's writing, to critique, to suggest, to improve.
About Me
- Brad
- Former adult teacher who loves island beaches. Happy homebody and family man; once devoted dog owner, now without Tashi, my Tibetan Terrier. I prefer the absurdity of the imagination to the absurdity of imagining nothing.
4 comments:
Why I write:
I like when John Jakes says, “Be yourself. Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe, shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish.” Perhaps he is right, be ourselves when we write, or at least we try to be when we write. And perhaps that’s the part of reason why I write; be myself when writing.
I write because I can express my feelings while I’m writing. While I’m writing, I don’t know, it’s like I’m in heaven because when I start to write, I’m in some kind of place and I can express whatever I feel like in there. Or in serene place, that nobody can find me, and I can write whatever I want.
I also write because if someone reads my piece, they can somehow relate their stories to mine, in other words, they can share my experiences, and feelings through my piece. Especially after I write something crappy, and feel lousy about it, but someone finds it interesting and inspiring, that makes me all happy and inspire me to do more writing.
I finally write because I can write anything I want, or maybe what Kay said in the class last time, “sex, or write something romantic.” Maybe what Kay said is true because I wrote something romantic during the summertime small to pass the time. So, I think what Kay said is true.
So, I think it is true when John Jakes says, “be yourself when writing” because when we’re not, at least I think the readers will notice immediately, or not.
-269 words.
Why I Write?
I find writing an excellent form of self-expression. I find it takes some discipline to sit down at the computer or pick-up a pen and write in a journal. However, the rewards can be very insightful. I can think of a lot of reasons for why I write, but the main three would have to be for improvements in my communications, preserving family history, and for a better knowledge and improvement of myself and where I want to go.
Writing challenges my grasp of the English language and forces me to correct myself when I make mistakes. Consciously improving my grammar and vocabulary allows me to communicate more clearly and get my point across to others a lot better, not only on paper, but verbally too. I, as well as others, notice improvements in my clarity of speech when I consistently practice reading and writing. This, in turn, boosts my self-confidence and makes me write even more.
Writing also allows me to document important family memoirs so that future generations will be able to know about their ancestral roots. I have inherited many old pictures from deceased relatives that are unexplainable and I wished I would have known the stories behind them. Although our family has many very old photographs we are severely lacking in written memoirs. I am afraid, if I don’t commit what I can now to paper, they may be lost forever. A book of written memoirs would be a great addition for our family legacy.
The transfer of thoughts and ideas from my head on to a piece of paper with words helps me know myself and where I’m at; therefore, It helps me to focus my energy into improving my lifestyle. The nature of the human condition and the structured society that we live in can sometimes have ill effects on my psyche and spirit. I can get off track with the direction I am heading and writing centers me again. I write about what is authentic and real in my day to day life. My values and priorities become apparent. When I write I discover what is important for me. This gives my life purpose and makes me happy.
Writing gives me pleasure on many levels and if afforded the time I would write a lot more than I would normally. The gifts of reading and writing are immense and I could not imagine a world without this form of expressive communication. - 408 words
why I write:
When I look back at my past, I happily find, writing has played a very interesting role in my life. It threaded my life moments, which echoed in my head and brought me laugh and tears. Writing was so simple but so inevitable that I couldn’t get rid of it no matter I like it or hate it, but I have to say, the motive of my writing has changed along with my years of growing-up.
I think I was seven when I started to think about “writing”. It was that time my mom giving me a Chinese writing brush to practice the art of fine handwriting. Actually, it wasn’t really a “writing”, but it gave me the first sight of writing something beautifully. Then my thought developed with my grade. My teacher gave the students an assignment of writing, titled as “the exemplar of my life”. I remembered I got 95 out of 100 for this piece, and my writing was read out loud in front of my classmates by my teacher. I suddenly realized that my writing could make me proud and famous among my classmates. Then why not write more?
My pleasure of writing didn’t last long enough because a radical education reform came around. During 1970s in China, students were mobilized to challenge teacher’s authority. We were asked to write Big-character posters—the handwritten, wall-mounted posters using large-sized Chinese characters, used as a means of protest or debate. The content must include the condemnation to teachers’ authority such as how bad your teachers punished you for doing too much homework, or how evil they poisoned your mind by teaching you counterrevolutionary knowledge (such as traditional literature and west literature). As a teenager girl I had no idea of what was revolutionary or what was not. But if I didn’t write that poster, I would soon be the one to be condemned. At that time, writing became ugly to me. I hated writing. I even wished that I hadn’t learn how to write, then I didn’t have to write something like that.
By the time the political pandemic moving over, I realized that our students had been used by the party leader to beat down his competitors. Anyway, the education system was back on track again. Ironically, I found I couldn’t write properly. I was once writing in a creative way but soon turned over to a radical way. My logic of writing was at sixes and sevens. The problem was I was so much in need of writing. When I first time received a love note, I didn’t even know how to reply. It must be in note, I supposed, but how? In my mind, I blamed my teachers, how could they not teach me such an important lesson! I eagerly read Chinese ancient poems and some western poems just hope in case one day I could write something beautifully to impress the one I loved.
As an adult, I like to travel a lot. Sometimes when I was sitting by the window of the train, looking at the green field outside, a string of words would hit my mind so strongly that I couldn’t help crying--not because I am sad, but because my heart was stricken deeply that it moved me to tears. At that moment, writing was just my emotion outlet. I know I am no more qualified to write better than any others. But usually, when I flow with the stream of my thoughts, and write down whatever comes to mind, the result is surprising to me. I am happy to see that I am just a messenger of myself.
Perhaps, writing has a magic to make me a better person. Or perhaps, unconsciously, it is the reason why I started to like literature. For me, everything about my writing was understandable. I have no shame of the good or bad words I have written. They are the reflection of my life. Today if you ask me, why I write? I will tell you like this: I write because I can write, I write because I want to write, I write because I am able to write, honestly, truly and freely. So I write.
--702words
Why I Write
Writing is naturally a part of my life whatever I need or want it. I feel more confident when I write in Traditional Chinese, even in English. It, then, becomes one of my characteristics. If I don't write, I would likely be invisible in the crowd because of quiet and shyness; as well, a tendency towards irrationally verbal battle might annoy me. Writing is the essential way of my expression.
The trait of introversion has been revealed since my early childhood. I could sit patiently and focus on writing assignments—words, journals, and essays, especially from my teenage years. An excellent mark might encourage me while I simply like to do it. I remember, in grade 10, we played a game of caring about people called "Angel and Master". Each one would be an angle (taking care your master) as well as a master (being taken care by your angle) in secret until the end of the term. Everyday we checked our mailboxes on the back wall of the classroom to see what we would get from our angels. At that time, collecting bookmarker was very popular. I often wrote a line or a poem on it for my master. Maybe I didn't know what it might affect me then, however, I started to write something not for academic purpose.
The most I wrote in my 20's was letters. When my best friend moved to Uruguay, I sent long letters regularly to her. We told each other just about anything. After launching my career, I knew my boyfriend (now he's my husband) through a colleague. Before the first date, we'd communicated per mail for six months. As we met, I was definitely excited but wasn't nervous, and feeling like old friends. Even if we got a few quarrels afterward, I'd rather close my mouth to avoid bursting bad words, which like a sharp knife might deeply pierce into the heart and hurt our feelings. Explaining by writing could keep the mind clear and calm to reduce the possibly rage.
Perhaps I like to share my thinking, feeling, and experience in writing rather than in speech. Nowadays the Internet offers a space for people who want to show themselves. Some people might worry about the privacy and use, yet that doesn't really bother me: for instance, when I ask or answer a question on the Localyte (a website for people contribute their advice to travelers,) the value of help is similar to the "Angle and Master". It's also an approach in conversation with people in the world that widens my eyes and strengthens my belief. I never consider being a professional author in spite of the fact that I need to write for work sometimes. It's a pleasure to write on my blog and just to be myself.
A friend of mine once asked me, "Why you write if you can talk? Speaking is faster and easier." Probably my personality drives my to do so. In addition, I found the advantage of writing. I found the way to show who I am. Although I write lowly in English, I couldn't live without it in English environment. It doesn't matter if I'm a good writer or not. I just write, and that's me.
--540words (the first draft is 584 words)
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